When will dark come to an end,
light will shine and shadows bend?
This doesn't really make sense to me, because in the sentence you use the very will twice and it just...doesn't make sense. perhaps if you said "Will light shine" instead of "light will shine".
When can lovers meet again,
open their eyes, shut out the pain?
Though a rhyming dictionary says 'pain' and 'again' rhyme, they do only if you pronounce again the same way as pain, and not many [Americans/People] do that. So...yeah.
Typo.without having to dtop and sigh?
Your rhythm was a little funky in places (count it out) and the fact that the last stanza had no rhythm at all (sort of) was annoying since the rest of the poem had one, in general at least.
The poem was good, and well written, but it still lacked that "ompf" to make it really good. I didn't take anything away from it/feel anything. It was pretty, sure, but what did it do for me? I'm not sure how you could fix that, and as always that part is just my opinion so you can take it a grain of salt.
bonne chance!
Points: 32885
Reviews: 2058
Donate