Young Writers Society

Heya, TiggaBiscuit, wise here to review.

The only problem I found was that "through" should be "threw".

"She grabbed the bottle and through it to the floor."

Otherwise, I loved this, and I love the style of that gif! Byezeez, and live in the Green Room!

-wisegirl22

Hey, I'm Chuck10931! And i'm gonna review!!

So the start was awesome, but the tenses seem to switch here:

He tackles Sophia, forcing him into her. "Please," she said in ragged whispers full of pain and absolute desperation, "stop. Stop!"

Alex fails to listen to her, instead crooning his neck into her, lips against hers to silent her pitiful begs.

Sophia chokes back her cries, pained tears forcing their way down her hot cheeks. He was suffocating her, taking the life out of her, pinning her under him while claiming her as his own.

I'm not a hater, however I feel your story could use a lot more development. I understand that this is a first chapter and that the story will develop the further along you go but it needs more. Your characters don't fee developed enough. Typically you can get a feel for how a character is in the first few chapters but I think there are too many inconstancies early on. For instance Kyle seems like I nice and caring guy and that is good and should be developed in the first or first few chapters before he gets drunk. Also the relationships of the characters should be developed a little more. How does Sophia know these men? How old even is she? Furthermore your grammar could improve slightly. I'm think I'm beginning to sound mean... I'm sorry if you get offended. It is not my intent at all. I think with a little revising you have the making of a great story. Good luck!