E - Everyone

Pure of Heart Part 2

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 “Excuse me?” Kaia’s eyes widened.

 “Can you do me a favor?” The girl repeated, slanting her brows.

 Kaia was quiet for a moment. “What favor?”

 The royal took a deep breath, as if she was about to tell an entire story with only that air. “I have to go to the stupid ball tonight because my parents are lazy, and don’t want to come themselves. While their back in the comfort home, I have to represent out kingdom- Pradel. But you see, I don’t want to go. I don’t want to talk all about political things or my kingdom’s welfare,” she took another quick lungful of air. “Then I ran into you, who looks like me, so I want you to go in my stead,” the girl finished.

 Kaia’s jaw dropped. She stood there, frozen for a few moments, before managing to squeak out, “You want me to be you?”

 The girl nodded her head eagerly. “We look similar; it could work.”

 I guess we do look somewhat the same. They both had dirty blonde hair and light brown eyes, but the royal’s face was longer than Kaia’s, and her posture was superior.

 “Oh, come on! You could totally pass for me,” the girl pleaded. “It’s not like they have pictures that they match us to at the gate.”

 When she spoke, Kaia’s voice was hardly more than a whisper. “But non-royals aren’t allowed,” she choked out. Kaia braced herself for the girl’s stinging insult about how’d she had been wronged by talking to a peasant and how Kaia should have told her before they’d made conversation.

 “Yes, but you won’t be a peasant. You’ll be me.” Kaia’s head jerked up in surprise. The royal giggled, her lips curling at the ends. “You didn’t think I thought you were a royal, did you?” Then, as if realizing what she had said, the girl gasped and swiftly blurted out, “Not that being a peasant is bad or anything, it’s just...” She trailed off.

 Kaia shook her head gently, and raised her hands. “It’s fine; I’m used to it.”

 The royal dipped her head slightly before continuing, “Please. I know it appears selfish of me to deny going and force you too but I can’t handle all that dull talking they do. It’s like the only thing important is how much money someone can make if they decide to trade with your kingdom.”

 She seems desperate. As desperate as I am to stop being hierarchy fresh meat. Kaia bite her lip and closed her eyes for a minute. Finally, she opened them and uttered, “I’ll help you.”

 The royal’s shoulders lifted and her eyes glowed. “Thank you so much! And by the way, my name’s Siv.”

 Kaia straightened up and asked, “What do we do first, Siv?”

 “We get you a better dress,” she answered. “Come on. We’re off to the clothing shop!” Siv grabbed Kaia’s hand, swung around, and raced to the store. Kaia blinked in surprise at the girl’s strength as she was whisked to the other end of the square. When the royal let go, Kaia’s shoulder had a dull ache. I can’t blame her for being excited.

 Siv was weaving through the gowns, inspecting each one before moving on. Her eyes were focused and Kaia guessed she wanted to pick the best to be “seen” in. At last, Siv grabbed a dark green dress and shoved it at Kaia. “This is perfect!” she squealed.

 It was sleeveless and smooth, made with high quality satin. Kaia ran her fingers across the gown’s surface. It’s beautiful.

 Siv was staring at her with bright eyes. “So what do you think?”

 “Shouldn’t you be the judge?” Kaia questioned. “You’re the royal, after all.”

 “Yes, but I want to make sure you like it too.”

 Kaia looked over dress once more before deciding, “I love it.”

 Siv’s eyes shone like stars. “I knew you would. Now come on; let’s get you suited up!” Once again, she rushed away, dropping the payment in the shop keeper’s basket as she went by. Kaia hurried to catch up, almost running to get as fast as the royal.

 Suddenly, Siv stopped and spun around to face Kaia. She cocked her head before asking, “What’s your name?”

 I never told her my name! How stupid of me to forget. “Kaia.”

 Siv looked thoughtful for a moment before speaking. “That means pure.” She sighed before continuing, “It’s funny. You’re a muck, yet you’re more pure and real than most royals.” [A/N Is this too cheesy? I feel like it is.]

 Kaia forced down anger at the word muck. “Thank you,” she replied flatly.

 As if the words had snapped her out of a trance, Siv twirled back around and resumed walking. “We’ve got to get moving. Only eleven hours remain.”

Comments & reviews · 6
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JamesLluis123 Review

the story is very twin like. I hope everyone that read this story like what you wrote or typed here. my family won't stop feeling like something is missing after the '' you look just like me'' part. Plz check out my article '' The Great Pandas '' and leave a comment it will really help me with other articles or stories i want to write.

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hmcg
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hmcg wrote a review · Fri Mar 13, 2015 5:57 pm

Never reviewed any thing before so I thought I might as well.

A little background would have helped to let us get to know the characters.

I agree with wwho, a bit longer would have been better. I understand that it was a short but a little bit more elaboration on the story wouldn't hurt.

I found no spelling or grammatical mistakes so good job there!

I like how you described the characters but a bit more would be good.

You did an overall good job!

Thank you. Have you read part 1? I think more character background is there. Just letting you know this isn't everything. :)

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dphe Review
dphe wrote a review · Fri Mar 13, 2015 4:46 pm

Hello!
I really liked your story although I caught a few errors. When you wrote "It was sleeveless and smooth, made with high quality satin. Kaia ran her fingers across the gown’s surface. It’s beautiful." the part saying "the gown's surface" there shouldn't be an apostrophe.
Also when you wrote "“Yes, but I want to make sure youlike it too.” you (probably accidently) put "youlike" together into one word.
Thats all I could find in your story! Really liked it.

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wwho Comment

I really liked it. I think that if you made it longer that would be better. I liked how you left the imagination up to the reader. I found no punctuation or spelling problems.I would love to read more of your stories.I hope you make a sequel.
I really liked it. I think that if you made it longer that would be better. I liked how you left the imagination up to the reader. I found no punctuation or spelling problems.I would love to read more of your stories.I hope you make a sequel.

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wwho Review
wwho wrote a review · Fri Mar 13, 2015 4:41 pm

I really liked it. I think that if you made it longer that would be better. I liked how you left the imagination up to the reader. I found no punctuation or spelling problems.I would love to read more of your stories.I hope you make a sequel.
I really liked it. I think that if you made it longer that would be better. I liked how you left the imagination up to the reader. I found no punctuation or spelling problems.I would love to read more of your stories.I hope you make a sequel.

Thanks! And by the way, this is part 2 of a multiple part story- this isn't everything. I've posted part 1 and will be posting the rest of the story sometime soon.

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wwho Comment

I really liked it. I think that if you made it longer that would be better. I liked how you left the imagination up to the reader. I found no punctuation or spelling problems.I would love to read more of your stories.I hope you make a sequel.



No one achieves anything alone.
— Leslie Knope