What i wish for is..
Keeping friends beside me,
right till the end.
Looking for a place,
for everyone, just to lend.
Want everything,
for you and us all.
Searching for answers,
right till we fall.
What i wish for
the most, out of this team,
is for at least one of us
just to say what we really mean.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,853 Reviews
I like it but
Looking for a place,
for everyone, just to lend doesn't make much sense.
"till" isn't a word, it's until. Capitalize your "I"s as well.
It was OK, nothing grand or magical. Your sentence didn't really make sense, except for the last one, which wasn't exactly unique in what it said. It could have been more poetical... The beginning of it was kind of useless, unless that was the title? "What I wish for is..." there isn't much of a point in doing that in just one line.
Try making your reader feel, rather than telling them how you want your friends to talk to you...It's the same thing in writing, don't tell. Although, more so in poetry almost.
Thank you to everyone who replied. Im glad you all like it and i'll keep posting more of my work.
Thanks again!
TxP
I liked this poem. I like the ideals behind it. Also as a poem it had nice rhythm, but not much rhyme. However, i don't think you really need rhyme here. I really liked it the way it is so i would say keep it the way it is.
This was great. I love poems on friendship, there aren't enough. It has good rhythm and you even added rhyme. I really like it, especially this bit...
It expresses a thought which I have constantly wondered over.
I think capitalization might make it easier to read.
The only thing that caught my eye was this line:
I'm not too sure, but the word team didn't work for me.
But that's all.
Overall, I really like it.
Keep writing
Wild
I love it! It gets across the meaning of friendship and the secrets that come with it. It's not to long and the rhyming is really good.
****
Can't wait to see more of your works!
Saphira