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Young Writers Society


12+ Language

A Merry Band of Monsters - Chapter 5

by deleted221222


The Demon King’s land was a desolate wasteland spreading out for miles. Ever since the fall of Demon King Vorigan, the flora and fauna that fed off of his essence slowly went extinct. You’d think there’d be activist groups that would try to help, but most of said groups really didn’t like demons either.

Vegemite found a kind of solace. Despite not being a demon, the lingering aura filled him with vigour. However, as it came from Vorigan, his former rival, he loathed it. Gallant was worse off. His curse was feeding off the negative magic, and he was permanently stuck in blackened form. Grace, despite being a creature of positive magic, jaunted happily through the purple flatlands. Chompy slept inside of the half-dragon’s pack, relying on Vegemite’s constant influx of positive magic to stay alive.

The quartet’s goal was the Demon King’s castle, the only structure ever built in the lands, and therefore also the only thing left. It was a hulking fortress, built to resist any and all assaults and sieges. It was, outside of a few towns like Stronglen, the last bastion for demons outside of hell.

The massive doors were shut tight, having not been open since the chosen one and his party had burst through and killed Vorigan. Vegemite floated up to the door, knocking on it. “By the words of your future unholy god, open the gates!”

“Ah, Vegemite,” A voice behind the doors said. A bolt of lightning shot down from the skies into the city, and a shrill cry echoed out. A few moments later, a second voice popped up.

“S-sorry, Lord Vegemite. How many?”

“One man, one lizardman, and a wolf.”

“R-right then. Let me just…”

The sound of clinking locks came from behind the door. Vegemite continued to stare blankly at it while Grace and Gallant exchanged glances. A moment later, a much smaller door inside the larger one opened. A lizard-like envy demon peeked his head out. “R-right this way.”

“Splendid,” Vegemite muttered, gesturing for his companions to follow him. Grace and Gallant shrugged, before following their lich friend inside. Beside the door was a charred corpse of a fish demon, freshly killed.

“S-so, what is it y-you want, Vege-” the envy demon whispered. Vegemite raised his hand, prepared to cast another bolt of lightning. “L-Lord Vegemite, our unholy god.”

“I’d like to speak with your ritual practitioners. We have something of use that they may like to hear.”

“I-is that it. S-splendid! I’ll bring you to them at once!” the envy demon stuttered. He lead the three towards the main palace. The courtyard was mainly empty, save for a few statues of previous Demon Kings Vegemite hadn’t torn down yet. Demons frolicked around, stopping to notice the three monsters who had just entered. They eyed Grace mostly, imagining him into several exquisite dishes, even though they’d most likely eat him raw.

“You really managed to scavenge the fortress after Vorigan died, huh?” Gallant muttered, drawing his blade just in case. “I’m surprised you actually got people to listen to you.”

“That’s to be expected, idiot,” Vegemite began, “It’s only you two that constantly defy my will.”

“Aria did as well,” Grace added.

“That girl was fearless. I wouldn’t be surprised if she were the chosen one once I become Demon King.”

“Heh, wouldn’t that be funny. That small town girl, the next chosen one,” Gallant laughed. “Yeah, that’s not going to happen. I doubt she even meets the requirements to become one.”

“There are requirements?” Grace asked.

“Oh yeah. Tons of them, based on what Cho said before. Things like being born between chosen ones, being pure of heart, having a good magic balance, a bunch of bull crap, if you ask me.”

“Does that mean I can become a chosen one?”

“You? Hah! Don’t make me laugh. You’re like, two hundred or something. You already missed the cut.”

“Oh…” Grace drooped his shoulders. Gallant chuckled to himself.

The three monsters followed the envy demon into the palace’s main throne room, directly in view for all subjects to see. The two gigantic wrath demons guarding the entrance had put up a resistance, but a few particularly strong lightning strikes made them more lenient. Inside, a group of pride demons gathered around a white magical circle, chanting ominous words.

“H-here we are, L-Lord Vegemite.” The envy demon bowed, before scurrying out of the room. Vegemite snapped his fingers, and a shrill scream combined with slobbering noises came from behind the group.

“I’m sorry, low-class demon. I was just running low on negative magic,” Vegemite apologized, looking around the room. The intricately decorated throne room was designed by Vorigan, so it had many of his ‘special’ touches. Black walls, ceilings, and floors accented with gold lines, a screaming chandelier that lit up the room with blue flames, and banners and markings of Vorigan’s symbol, a circle with three notches. “Guh, he was always such a bad interior decorator.”

Vegemite waved for one of the practitioners, who stumbled forward out of the circle to greet him. “Why, Lord Vegemite! How do you do this fine day?”

“I’m feeling quite poorly because of this distasteful decorating, but other than that, I’m fine. Finally, someone who rightfully believes me to be their ruler. I’ll kill you last when I become a god.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Overlord Vegemite.” The pride demon bowed. Vegemite rubbed his chin with his bony hand, an action he repeated when he felt particularly content.

“Yes… Overlord Vegemite. Tell everyone to call me that from now on,” Vegemite ordered. The pride demon graciously bowed in agreement. Gallant audibly sighed, receiving another lightning bolt to his nape. “Anyways, we’re specifically here on business. I’d like to convene a meeting with the practitioners.”

“Ah, yes. We can do that as soon as we finish this ritual,” the pride demon explained. “We think we may have found a light demon.”

“A light demon… Interesting. Very well, proceed with the ritual, but do hurry up. My patience has been tested ever since I came back here.”

“Don’t worry, Lord Vegemite.”

Vegemite lowered his hand, pointing it at the ground next to the pride demon. A lightning bolt shot from the ceiling and burnt the ground next to it. “Overlord Vegemite.”

“You’re a cruel lord,” Gallant muttered as the pride demon begged for forgiveness. It returned to its brethren, spreading word within the circle. They began to chant louder and more passionately. “So, why are we waiting for this to finish?”

“Because, idiot knave, they have found a light demon to summon. A demon that is so immune to positive magic it actually produces it! Such an unholy combination could help me fix my predicament. Now shut up while they work.”

Gallant shrugged it off as he and Grace followed Vegemite next to the circle. The pride demons chanted with more passion, fueled by the threat of execution by lightning. The magic circle flashed brightly twice as a sphere started to form in the middle.

“Get the catalyst!” one of the pride demons shouted. A young cat-like demon stopped their chanting and took an opal from a nearby table, placing it in the centre. The white sphere sparked as it flew into the white gem, before shattering it into bits. “That wasn’t enough, get a bigger catalyst!”

The cat demon looked around frantically before setting his eyes on a massive rough diamond. He lugged it into the circle. The white orb sent a bit of itself into the gemstone before it began to crack. It broke into two, and the spirit flashed angrily.

“Damn!” Vegemite yelled, raising his hands. Rituals were performed to summon demons in exchange for their power. However, most rituals failed because the practitioners didn’t use a catalyst. This resulted in free demon, which was how most demons in the Demon King’s land were brought into existence. Vegemite couldn’t risk it with the demon in question radiating positive magic.

A massive bolt of lightning, incomparable to what he hit Gallant with, struck the soul. It shook it off easily, before darting around the room. Vegemite cast a black shield around himself while Gallant drew his sword. Grace couldn’t react before the spirit shot straight into him. It didn’t come out the other side.

“Grace!” Gallant yelled, pointing his sword at the half-dragon. “Are you okay?”

“It… feels tingly,” Grace answered, shivering. Vegemite remained tense for a moment before dropping his shield.

“By the demon god, Grace, you had us worried. Who knows what a light demon could do in your body. At least try to dodge next time.”

“Sorry, I just thought I needed to protect Chompy,” Grace said before his eyes widened along with Vegemite’s glowing pupils. The dragon-man threw the bag on the ground before rifling through it. He pulled Chompy out, still half-sleeping. The pup yawned as it looked around the throne room, growing tense. “Phew. I thought something happened to him.”

“Grace… Something did happen to little Chompy,” Vegemite muttered, casting a magic detection spell. Aside from Grace’s large bubble of red, a new bubble of white surrounded the wolf pup, much different than the small green splotch it had before.

Instantly, Chompy jumped out of Grace’s hand and landed between the wall and everyone else in the room. He started to growl at them. A sword of light formed above him and shot towards Vegemite. Gallant ran in front of the lich, parrying the blade away.

“Ch-Chompy?” Grace asked, feeling betrayed.

“That’s not my name!” a voice emanated from Chompy. Unlike his previously high yips, this one was much deeper and more serious. The wolf pup stood resolute, itching for a fight.

“Well, we can at least confirm that it wasn’t a light demon,” Vegemite said. He snapped his fingers, and a black sphere formed around Chompy, sealing him inside. The wolf pup growled again, and a burst of white shot out, but it wasn’t enough to break the sphere. “You can try as much as you like, but you can’t break free of that barrier, wolf.”

“I’m not a wolf! I’m the chosen one!” Chompy yelled. He growled once more, and a bright light surrounded his fur. A pair of wings formed on his back as he shot forwards, breaking through the barrier. The action had drained the wolf pup of all of its magic, leaving it exhausted and unable to move.

Grace saw this, and immediately took a piece of demon boar from the pack. Gallant held him back, however, a glaze in his eyes.

“What do you mean, chosen one?” Gallant asked, pointing his blade at Chompy. The puppy panted, furthering Grace’s drive to feed it. Gallant reluctantly let him. The lizardman rushed forward, placing the meat at Chompy’s snout.

The wolf pup slowly started to nibble on it, gaining a very small amount of magic. Vegemite, intrigued at this new soul inside Chompy, started to feed a bit more positive magic into him. Slowly, Chompy started to regain its strength, standing back up on its four legs, although rather weakly. He growled again, but Gallant planting the sword an inch from his fur shut him up.

“Now, tell us. Who. Are. You?”

“I am…” Chompy looked away for a moment, reluctant to answer. “I am Cho Senone, the chosen one.”


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351 Reviews


Points: 11482
Reviews: 351

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Sun Apr 29, 2018 4:57 am
Kanome wrote a review...



Hello, Thundahguy. I am here to provide you a review in honor of Review Day. Let’s get started, shall we?

Impression on Story thus far:


Well, at the ending there, I did not see that coming. I enjoyed learning more about Vegemite, the way he portrays his personality shows him that he enjoys power and control. I see that we are at the part where they are waiting for the ‘Chosen One’, which was mentioned at the end of the chapter. I enjoyed the character development throughout the chapter so far and I liked the way the chapter ended, it was classic. Something you did not expect.

Nitpicks & Stuff:


I did not find anything wrong with this chapter, just wished we were able to explore Gallant a bit more. He seems distant from the other characters.

Overall Conclusion:


Overall, I enjoyed the chapter. It seems we are diving deeper into the storyline and the character development of Vegemite has shown him to be power hungry. The sudden conclusion of the chapter really surprised me. Like I said, it was something I did not expect to happen. I can’t wait to read the next chapter to find out what happens. Keep up the great work. Keep writing and enjoy the rest of your day.

- Kanome




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212 Reviews


Points: 575
Reviews: 212

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Sun Apr 08, 2018 1:13 am
EverLight wrote a review...



Please feel free to ignore my advice it is advice it is not intended to hurt you or your story nor is it meant to demine this story.
1. What I liked
I loved it! Very creative. I also love the surprize ending.

2. Flow & Style
Style was great excellent actually, the flow as well nothing here.

3. Characters and & Character developement
Your characters could use some work. They are great and all but I got the feeling they didn't have any personality. You could sense what they were like but nothing stood out. I think you need to add more personality to them, or else they will seem dull.

4. Over all and Encouragment
Amazing work! Good job no other problems were found. No grammar issues either. Keep it up.





No, it's not that you didn't succeed. You accomplished a lot, but, if you want to touch people, don't concentrate so much on rhyme and metre. Think more about what you want to say instead of how you're saying it.
— LCDR Geordi La Forge