I was bleeding the whole day, but no one could see.
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138,384 Literary Works • 672,113 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Well this is not something I have run into in some time. I've seen a few a micro fictions here and there but its been at least a couple of years since I ran into a genuine two line piece and this is quite the powerful one. Most two line pieces are but this one feels especially so perhaps cause it is spine chilling but in a way that is quite starkly relatable at the same time which I think is where its true power lies.
It speaks of this person who is hurting, but is hiding this pain deep within them, almost speaking of maybe a mask they have to wear perhaps within a family if we go by another interpretation of blood of maybe something a little more general in terms of this just referring to the world at large. Either way it really runs in quite deep there and we all feel it on some level, these times where we are hurting and we desperately need help or at least a break but it must remain on the inside for life has to go on sometimes.
Overall, yeah just a very powerful two lines here. I think it really ends up resonating quite powerfully here. You've done a really good job of bringing that out here. Really has a lot of very powerful interpretations to it.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate
Howdy hey! Gengar here to leave a review! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
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Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
This kind of reminds me of the kind of nu-metal songs you'd see commonly in the 2000's, in terms of the themes of mental health problems. But that's not an insult, because those kinds of songs are cool
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
There's nothing wrong with short poems, but this one feels like it is an excerpt from a larger piece. There are some details missing, and it almost feels like there was meant to be something before the first line. However, if this story is an excerpt from a longer story, then you can ignore this advice
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I like the emotion that was put into it. Even though it is so short, you managed to convey the speaker's feelings clearly, and you also were able to imply mental health issues without explicitly saying so. I especially liked how the second line is bigger and is bolded, because it adds emphasis
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Overall, this is a cool poem that I enjoyed reading. These two lines alone were well-written, so if you ever wrote anything bigger I think it'd be a nice read!
I hope my review could be helpful. I wish you a good day/night!
—GengarIsBestBoy
Thanks for your comment. And yes it is a part of one of my poems that I haven't posted.
Salutations, curious mind!
Amaya here, ready to dive into the pages of this intriguing story. 📚!
Buckle up, 'cause we're diving into my review magic! ✨
All in all
This party rocked, let's take a quick look!
Based on these two lines you’ve written here, I can only say that your poem Rocks!
Not only do they hit hard, it also looks like they also have some meaning and “hidden memories” in them.
You have chosen a strong title which fits really well with your piece and actually summarises your work nicely. Great thinking there!
The formatting of the separate sentences also gives off a whole other vibe. The bold one emphasises the pain of the writer even more. This is great, because that way your reader can really connect with your work.
You could work on:✒️
The following suggestions are merely to help you improve on your writing and not to offend you in any way. Feel free to skip these suggestions, if these are not what you aim for.
The only thing I’d like to say is that you could have fleshed out your story a little more. I know this is supposed to be a two liner, but a short story would be nice too, right? I agree that this is a sensitive topic and needs to be handled with care, but that doesn't mean you can't take risks and learn.
For example, you could start your first chapter off with something like:
Overall Feelings:
This is an amazing two liner, as I said before I’m sure you had great inspiration from your poem. Apart from making this longer, this was a nice read.
Have a nice day or night further! Keep writing! You are amazing!
Amazingly yours,
Amaya Statham– Be yourself and keep writing! 📖🎉
Thanks for you advice. Well, this two liner is a part of a poem that I wrote and soon I'll be posting it.