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What's Wrong With Male Tears?

by ThikiNiki


You say that "boys shouldn't cry."
Why?
Is it that tears are a sign of weakness, the trickle of water from the body showing a leak in my system?

What's Wrong With Male Tears?

You say that "boys shouldn't cry."
Why?
Is it that I have to put on a strong and emotionless front, only shedding a tear when it'll be the most useful?

What's Wrong With Male Tears?

I say that "boys should cry."
You want to know why?
It's that tears are a sign of strength, showing that yes, I have emotions, as do we all. Showing that, while I may not be perfect, I'm good enough.

Nothing's Wrong With Male Tears.

I say that "boys should cry."
You want to know why?
It's that a strong front is a front that doesn't exist. Emotion is a sign of strength, a flag that screams "I'M HUMAN AND I'M BEAUTIFUL!" 

Nothing's Wrong With Male Tears.


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6 Reviews


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Thu Jan 20, 2022 4:27 am
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naazmemonn wrote a review...



first off, this poem conveys a very important message that men for generations have needed to hear; so kudos to you for bringing this out.
i feel like the first stanza is a masterpiece and the repetitive line of

What's Wrong With Male Tears?
You say that "boys shouldn't cry."
Why?

is a really great addition to the poem.
however, as the poem progresses i feel it becomes a little difficult to make out whether it is a poem or an essay.
literary devices similar to the ones you used in the first stanza could have been used to make this piece even more emotional which would send a greater message to your readers
i really hope this helped!!




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Sat Jan 15, 2022 5:30 am
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Rook wrote a review...



Hello!
I think this poem had a really good message! You're absolutely right, tears are not a sign of weakness but a sign of emotional depth. Not to say those who can't cry or don't cry are not capable of emotional depth (as I do know a couple people who are actually unsettled with the fact that they can't seem to cry).
I honestly think that for your purposes, this poem is really good and probably doens't need many changes.
However, I'm going to examine this in the way that I'd examine any other poem: from a poetic language point a view, which puts a lot of emphasis on individual words and lines and phrases working together to create deeper meaning and less on the overt meaning in the first place. Poetry is a kind of subtle magic that layers hidden meanings on top of each other.
The way this poem is right now reads almost more like a speech or an essay, and I think if you wanted to just change what genre this is, it would work better as-is. But if you're dead-set on this being a poem, then I suggest you read though it very slowly and carefully, interrogating every word to see if it really belongs or if it should be a different word. I'm thinking especially of your really long lines in each stanza. They do make the visual of this poem unique, but their content feels much more like prose than verse.

Consider this line:
"Is it that tears are a sign of weakness, the trickle of water from the body showing a leak in my system?"
and consider revising it so that it's much shorter (I'm not saying you should make this exact edit)
"Are tears signs of weakness? Do trickles of water show leaks in the system?"

or
"Is it that I have to put on a strong and emotionless front, only shedding a tear when it'll be the most useful?"
to
"Must I become stone, water springing only when it's useful?"

Again, I'm not saying you should follow these exactly, but I wanted to show with the first example that there's a way of writing more concisely that doesn't change many of your words, and with the second example, there's an even shorter way of getting your point across that relies on poetic language. However, the second example isn't great because it relies on cliches.

I would love to see more poetic devices such as similes and metaphors that aren't cliche or too abstract in this poem. There's a lot of that is abstract in this poem, although it's definitely not as bad as other poems I have seen since crying is not an abstract concept. However, I think it would be really cool to see some imagery or sensory details about how it feels to cry, what might make the narrator cry, what strength and beauty is, etc.
In short, I wand specific, relatable details, and lots of them!

I hope this is helpful!
Keep writing!
- Rook




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Thu Jan 13, 2022 12:17 am
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TypoWithoutCoffee wrote a review...



This is gem for a review.

I enjoyed this poem, it has a very meaningful theme thati heavily support and respect. I like the way it is wrtten there isnt anything to hidden about it and there doesnt need to be. I like the gradual change of words because that is how open minded people change their ideas one word at a time so to speak. I don't see any misspelling, I particularly loved the contractions you used.

Have a nice day/night. Keep writing. Much love, CoffeeGemini <3333333




ThikiNiki says...


Thank you so much! I really appreciate that!





<33 Thank you for writing.



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Wed Jan 12, 2022 4:52 pm
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MissGangamash wrote a review...



Hello!

I really loved the 'trickle of water from the body showing a leak in my system' line! so poetic and beautiful.

But after that it felt more like prose than poetry. If the stanzas were more short and concise I feel it would feel like a more structured piece.

You could definitely condense the 'strong front' idea to just a line or two that really packs a punch. The last two stanzas just feel a little overwritten. And for poetry, less is more.

Hope this helps!

And totally agree with the message!




ThikiNiki says...


Great, thank you so much!



ThikiNiki says...


...aaand, done! I made those edits you were talking about, and I like it a lot more now, thank you for the suggestions!





It reads much better! Glad you're happier with it :D




If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion.
— Noam Chomsky