I lost myself a while,
Even I acted as a stranger
For a time I did not acknowledge
You,
My Maker.
My knees knew the ground best
before the altars of idols and false gods
who taught heaven before love
Hands clasped tight,
A binding agent, a contract
That my hands are empty
But between my thumbs and pinkies lie
Every last thing I have left of
Us;
all I am holding are my hands,
Palm to palm.
Your hands have sculpted worlds
And the ends of my fingers are bitten
And bleeding and covered in paint.
I have made something more of them.
I stand when I pray to you
The weight of love is so much less
When it is not found kneeling.
I stand when I pray to you,
Not a vase on a pedestal,
But clay on a potter's wheel.
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This is truly incredible, it really sums up so many complicated feelings in a way that is incredibly powerful. I love reading things like this that are speculative but with an intrinsically personal feel.
The structuring of your first stanza is really effective because it draws the attention to the othering of 'You'. One minor thing, is the 'Even I' deliberate? "I even" might make more sense.
In the second stanza, I'm not sure if 'a contract / that my hands are empty' makes too much sense. I apologise if I've managed to miss the meaning but punctuation might help split the ideas up if they are supposed to be separate. I took it to mean the absence of religious fulfilment but the beauty of poetry is how it can be interpreted in so many ways, so if I'm wrong please correct me
The third stanza is a beautifully potent image of what it is to be human, though I wonder if the last line of that stanza breaks up the flow? The idea seems to come a bit out of nowhere then ends without more of an exploration which it is definitely owed!
For the fourth stanza I'd suggest adding some end of line punctuation to make it flow better, the way I was taught is that you read through lines if there is no punctuation and I don't know if the first few lines make sense in one sentence. This also applies a few times throughout where the lines become disjointed because I've read them as one sentence.
Overall this is incredible! Feel free to ignore my advice if I've gotten the wrong end of the stick because this is my first review (if you could review my review that would be amazing because I don't know what I'm doing). Also I'd love you to explain how you wrote the poem and what the images mean because I'm not smart enough to catch the full meaning and it's a poem that really reveals itself to the reader in the way they wish to interpret it!
The even I is deliberate, I honestly just like it more. For the second thing, the contract that my hands are empty, is basically saying, my hands are clasped together, (meant to be interpreted as prayer, but it's poetry so interpretation is fun) it's also saying, my hands are together, so it is evident I am not holding anything, but the hands hold each other, they hold every thought and idea the speaker has ever had. I do agree that the last line in the fourth stanza breaks up the flow, but I like it. It's basically saying, these hands are not only things that hold each other, they are doing something more. Any of the structure things I'm going to be so honest, I have never taken any form of class for poetry, and I don't really care for structure much unless it adds a lot of depth. With what you said near the end, you can comment again and put what quotes you would like explained =]
If you don't know the easy way to quote, you highlight a section and the option 'quote in review' will pop up and if you press it it will put it in your reply.
Thanks for getting back to me! The quoting thing is helpful, I don't know how to use this site yet. Just pure curiosity what do the last 3 lines mean? And what is the Us? The whole thing is amazing obviously, so much better than anything I could do. Your idea about the contract is super interesting too, is it kind of like a reciprocal religious relationship? Sorry I got it wrong when I first read it, I thought it meant that the speaker's hands had to be empty of other things to worship in the way their deity expected, as in religion had to take first place over other commitments like human relationships. Again, I love your writing, it's so deep!
The last three lined reference the biblical idea of God being an artist and us being the art, but kind of pulling away from that, I do not wish to be a stagnant piece of art, I wa t to build myself, I want to be my own artist, and not feel fragile like a vase. Us kind of refers to the two parts of myself, the one that is building and the one that is building themselves up, and how no matter what resources I have I can be my own person. That might not make sense but it's okay. The contract thing I think you understand =]