Published August 4, 2011
As the sky turns dark, and the shadows become decisive,
I am alone here, I don't care.
I wait for the one, who left me long ago.
I wait just for her, through the stream, I just stare.
I have no sorrows, no feeling of regret,
Standing alone as the sun dips, and in the sky the moon set.
I can feel the breeze, as my love increase,
For the one I don't know, through the beach I just watch.
Walking on this sandy beach, footsteps left behind,
They are not the one that you think, they are not of the kind,
They are… memories of one's heart..
One's desire.. one's love.
Just memories….
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139,050 Literary Works • 672,402 Reviews
This was beautiful! You use words to paint a picture, and that's a rare talent right there! I like this piece, its the perfect amount of sad and lovely. I think my favorite line of all was
because that was a really strong beginning. It was a really good way to start out the poem. I also thought thatwas a really strong ending. There were still mistakes, like someone pointed out before with the set/ sets. But i also thought that should maybe be 'increases'? I think it is more correct that way.
THis was a fantastic poem, with very few things to be corrected, so good job!
Kudos points to you!
-Bee
Hey there!
Before I begin with my rambling, let me just let you know, I'm on the mobile reviewing your work so expect a lot of mistakes, as I'm completely and utterly uneducated on mobile webs.
So, um, first paragraph, fourth line:
'...through the stream'
? Doesn't sound right.
'...and in the sky the moon set'
Set? Why pural? Sets*
Okay so, that's pretty much all I can do on a phone. Also, I loved the last couple of lines - at the end. They were beautiful.
Keep it up and keep rhyming.
-JT
Wow! This is a beautiful poem! I love how the setting is at the beach. I love it! The footsteps and memories part was wonderful! I don't know what else to say, other than I don't think any changes really need to be made!
GREAT JOB!