Published February 21, 2014
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140,387 Literary Works • 673,146 Reviews
This is an amazing piece.
I was reading it in my head as though someone were speaking it, and I think it would make a wonderful piece to be used in slam poetry (poetry that is spoken- passionately).
I love the subtle rhyming of "rain" and "brain" and "stain", it just keeps the piece neat and connected.
The uses of senses to build up imagery throughout is also great. For example, "church bells ringing" and "I painted a tower" really draw the reader in and are brilliant in helping people to picture the scene.
The theme of death is also a strong one here. "Killing" "soul" and "blood" all make me think of the body, and suffering of death. This makes the piece all the more powerful.
Also, I have to wonder whether the narrator actually is dead. The poem's all written in past tense, and the last two lines make me think whether this person has killed themselves, and that the "love" they search for is found through death.
Perhaps I have that completely wrong, but it's a very intriguing piece.
Well done! This is great
Hi there! So I'm here to review your poem, so you'll have to bare with me, I'm not to good at this. lol
Okay so I really loved all the imagery you have going on here. It has a good flow, and even though it was really short I still liked it. I must admit the title is a really good hook in my opinion, but that could just be because I'm a little morbid, lol.
One thing I was wondering if you could clarify for me is the last two lines.
"Saved by the love the world couldn't
offer me."
Are you referring to God's love sense you said the genre was spiritual, or am I way off? I just wanted to clarify.
Hope this helped
~findingmyway
You can interpret it in any way but otherwise yes.
just here for a drop by
the title honestly brought me here because it made me curious when i saw it in the list, so that's a good thing lol. i like your word choice in this, the imagery you used and the way you organized the poem to flow and to explain the thoughts in your mind. its kinda like what i do to myself sometimes. I have bad thoughts that make my heart break but then i have to think of other things to make it better. I like how you made it where people could possibly have that feeling and relate to the "I" in the poem.