Published December 8, 2014
I, the Land, wrote myself before any
came to chart me.
I lost myself in humanity's lust for
wanderlust; the need to build on my plains,
to dig up my veins, and bury my remains.
My native tongue which once sprung from
mountains and lakes had been overcome by
the language of being bought and sold for any
man to take.
My name was once, "Land" and now it is, "Yours".
My heart is tired.
But I remember me; before I had turned into
an overgrown flower who blossomed before her
time.
I remember me, when I saw myself as the Promised
Land; when being alive was wonderful, and did not hurt.
I remember me, before I was made into a wasteland.
I remember me. Before you.
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139,409 Literary Works • 672,558 Reviews
I really, really liked this. Your use of comparative words makes it compelling and insightful, giving a powerful way to create imagery. So many themes already picked up and the analogies are wonderful! Keep up the amazing work, looking forward to more of your poems!
Very powerful. I love how you wrote from the Earth's perspective rather than in third person as most people do when talking about how we treat the Earth. I think it makes it seem a little more real, makes us think of the Earth in a more concrete form. We would never treat a person the way we treat our natural resources and environment. One thing, in the third to last line, you might want to move Land to the line above it. It just looks a little odd broken up like that. Other than that, it was awesome, great message!
I really enjoy this, I'm a really big "hippie" and I practically worship the Earth itself. It is really really sad how bad we treat the earth. /: I like your style, for the most part, I think there needs to be the same about of lines in the first and third stanzas, but that's just a little nitpick, not really a big deal at all, it won't hurt if you don't change it. I think your grammar is used correctly through out all of it. Nothing really to change I don't think! Oh, we'll, you could expand on who the "you" is, for, the last line. I guess you did touch base on the you, but you didn't specif that the you is the one tearing the Earth apart.
Keep up the lovely writing!
- Phoenix