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Hey Unknown
I'll go ahead and warn you that I haven't read the Prologue, but I think I put together the important pieces. When I have the time, I'll go back and read it to see if I was right!
This was pretty good, and I wasn't expecting it, actually. Even though it does have the feel of a zombie apocalypse story--which are becoming a cliche nowadays, especially after the release of The Walking Dead (Love that show!)--I think you can get past the cliches and make an interesting story. Now, your listed age is thirteen... you're writing better than I did at your age, so that's super-good. I was wondering if you've enjoyed writing very long...?
Anyways, I have some nitpicks. Quite often, I'll see a place where I comma isn't needed, or should be replaced with something else. This is actually kind of funny, because this was my biggest problem as I improved my writing skills.
An example of this would be in "I was thirteen when I found this place, luckily they didn’t find any signs of the infection and welcomed me in." The comma severely disrupts the flow you had built up, and the entire sentence almost seems... rushed? Maybe consider "I was thirteen when I found this place; luckily, I there weren't any signs of the infection. My health cleared, and they welcomed me in." I put the semicolon because the two sections of your sentence can be separated into two--well, three, but let's just say two--independent sentences. They're similar enough to be connected with a semicolon, which aids flow and adds variety in the writing.
When I got here: " I continue to eat my cold, stale bread as I watch him. I nod and smile occasionally." It seemed like the transition from one part to the next was a little... abrupt, I suppose. It took me off guard. I don't have any suggestions; I just wanted to let you know in case you, as the writer--it is your piece after all--felt you wanted to make changes.
Finally, I wanted to warn you about this: "His voice is deep and stern. He is short and stalky; he has to crane his neck to look at Aidan. We take out our cards for him to validate it. He nods to himself, “Wait here.” He stalks off to the main guard station." In this paragraph, ever single sentence begins with either "His", "We", or "He". I highly suggest altering this to where you use "he" and words like it as little as possible in such a tight setting. I read this paragraph, and the repetitive beginnings of the sentences gives a stop-and-go jolting feel to the writing, making it seem more objective than creative. Like you're 'telling' instead of 'showing', which was a big thing in my creative writing classes. Some alteration would be "He is short and stalky, and has to crane his neck to look at Aiden" and "Nodding to himself, he mutters "Wait here," as he stalks off to the main guard station." Just some suggestions to get you started, but you are in no way obligated to make the changes!
Okay, I'm finally done with the grammar side of things. I really hope you can stick to this; it can get hard, in later chapters, to keep with a story that you've been working on for a while. I still haven't managed to complete a novel, but I'm getting really close, thanks to this site. Hopefully it will do the same for you! You did a great job with this, and I hope it works out for you! I'll be checking in on future chapters when I have the time, so watch out XD
Happy writing!
-Sherri

hey (the unknown writer),I liked your story can't wait to read the next chapter i want to know what will happen to Lena and Aidan.I want to know more about her Lena's father and mother where did they go what is this compass he left her. I have just two things to say first i didn't understand why did you rate it as +16 it doesn't seem to have any mature content.
and the second is when you said (Everyone in the fence has to have one.......I am training to become a defender against those soulless murderers.) I think are kind of unclear what is the Defense Training maybe if you put more information like what it is and who are those soulless murderers.
But over all its a really good chapter can't wait to read the next one.