Published November 14, 2011
I tried to grow a beard
To hide my face.
I couldn't even do that right.
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Yeah, it's a bit short and simple, but some of the best poems are short and simple.
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Alright, here's a tip. That is way to short! I don't even understand what you are trying to say. It's different yes, but give it more depth. Otherwise the reader will think it wasn't worth reviewing. You see? I'm not trying to be harsh but I'm just telling you what I will think if I come ot a poem like this. Plus, this has different spacing at the end of the last phrase.
| If you need to talk about this more, feel free to message me or post on my profile. I will walk with you about it, thanks!|
~Again, please don't take this personal~
[] Randi (Alabaster) []
This is great. I can feel your emotions and I love how you linked them to a current issue/event. The title doesn't set the poem up to be dark and depressing which is a nice, deceptive touch. The juxtaposition between the simplicity and neutralness (Is that a word?) of the first line compared to the dark, negative emotions expressed in the other two lines.
It's a bit short but I don't think that matters to much. I don't think there's anything you should change in this. Nice Job.
I feel your pain, the beard has managed to evade me - but don't get too stressed, you've still got 16 days to turn into a werewolf-like-creature. To the poem though, I'm not sure if there's a hidden, profound message hidden in the subtext, but I can't seem to find one. Otherwise I like it, short sweet and to the point.
I don't think you can make any adjustments to the poem. I did think the last line was too blunt for my likings, but I'm sure others will disagree.
Just keep up the good work, and don't let the lack of stubble be any trouble.