My Soul Mate

I agree with the others it is so good because of the honest feelings and the description of pain .But, what I like the most is the losing control in the end and the image that you created by asking for how long you will stand . So , keep going you are writing great things .

Wow. Just wow. This was awesome. You nailed the emotions very well. Keep writing

Hi there I'm China Cookie.

Well when I read your poem i was amazed of the honesty you gave into and I like that about the poem.Its true and has alot of hearfelt emotion i could feel. your words were extreamly descriptive and made the poem great to read... I think most people have been tin this position in thier life and i think they will be able to relate to your poem.
One piece of advice that i could give you is set out and split your stanzas more.

Great piece loved it.
Hope to read more of your work!

Regareds:
China Cookie

While I really appreciate the kind words, and I hate to state the idea behind the poem, I feel like some of you are missing the point a bit.

Yes, it is a poem about the person you love and not being able be with that person. But rather than being your standard poem, I put a twist on it. Not being able to be with the girl he loves has made the speaker crazy. Look at the structure - it stays pretty tight in the beginning, following the same syllable pattern. But as the poem progresses, that pattern descends into random line lengths, starting in the 3rd stanza and losing all sense of control in the 4th. The narrator goes from calm and collected to crazy over the course of the poem.

Also, the diction changes. In the first 2 stanzas, it's (kind of) poetic and flowery, the normal language you would see in a poem. But once the narrator starts talking about the reasons why this girl won't love him back ("But apparently I’m not the right one for her." and on), he loses all poetic pretense and starts to ramble on in plain language. He even begins to ask rhetorical questions to the audience, an audience which shouldn't exist based on the setup in the first 3 stanzas. And look at the sentence lengths in the 4th stanza - completely random. Some sentences go on and on, while others are only a few short words.

Finally, the word choice. The beginning has how much he loves her in very flowery terms; she's so perfect, he loves her so much, he can't approach her. It's a very nice, "pretty" poem about melancholic love. But it ends with how this girl "needs" to be with the narrator, how he'll never be complete until she's only his, how jealous he is of other men being with her. He's a restraining order away from officially being her stalker. He's literally crazy about this girl. And the 3rd stanza, which seems to be a bit of a point of contention, is sarcastic from the third line on. Who would describe him/herself as "creepy" or "weird" unless it was for a joke, or they were being sarcastic. Clearly the narrator sees himself just as worthy of her love as the "other guys", even though he may not possess the qualities they do.

I hate blatantly stating the theme of this poem, but I didn't want people to think that this was just another teenage love poem about a kid who is too shy to say how he/she feels. It's inspired by Circe's Torment by Louise Glück.

i never knew guys would feel liethis thought all the sappy love stuuf was a girl thing lol
this really speaks to me and tells me how guys would really feel about a girl they liked. i find tgis so perfcet and good to talk about your feelings in a poetic way. improvement maybe you could write one line then put my soul mate my love then write the next line and put my soul mate my love just as an improvemnt you don't have to it's just my oppion!

This was interesting poem. It does feel that you wrote this from a personal experience so I won't say too much.

She’s just so full of life,
And always so happy.
I pretend I don’t think
About the question, just
So I don’t scare her off

This stanza is confusing, what question? Is he saying that he doesn't want to ask her out risking their friendship? I feel like you can reword this better.
I liked the idea of it though, keep writing,
-Rayne

I agree 100% with lexi that there is nothing wrong with being geeky. lol and i loved the poem like she said it felt so "out of the heart" as she put it and once again i agree

Hi there,
While reading through your thoughts in this poem, I definitely could relate to what you said. This idea is something a lot of people can relate to, so to make it more appealing to this wide audience, I suggest that you add some sort of imagery. Even if you just mention that you feel like her labrador some days, that's an image the reader can take with them and remember your poem by. You have a lot of great ideas here. Now you just need an image to represent them.

Good luck, and keep writing!

Wow! that is so "out of the heart".
I feel your pain coz there's a guy in my drama school who i feel the same way about but can't talk to coz he's in another class and with another girl! Which really sucks.
And BTW wots wrong with being geeky?(well, nerdy actually)