I'll bleed

by TheTaco101

  • Poetry
  • Narrative · Dramatic

Published March 21, 2012

I sit there, staring at the sky
Remembering the first time I
Cut my wrist
It stung, but it helped
Why did it help?

I sat there, alone and cold
Wondering why everything happened
And it was so against me
With that sharp object in my hand
I made a mark in my skin
And it made me bleed

Why did it feel so good?
As though I ate magic
And it got rid of everything
But it still hurt
And I still wanted more

I did bleed
A lot
I still do
Only now, I do it inside
Where no one can see
But then
I bled a lot

It hurt me so much
To think of the times that I left
Just to be alone
To sleep the day away
I was so lazy
So stupid then
Why didn't anyone care?

Inspiration came from me
To cut, to bleed
To never cry again
Although I cried
I never wanted it to end
I just wanted a reason
To make myself bleed

I don't like blood now
'Cause my experience was bad
But, before, seeing it was relief
The mental pain that I had
Converted to physical pain
That anyone can take

But, slowly,
It stopped doing it's job
I started needing more,
More times to cut,
The more
I'll bleed

But, now I don't anymore
'Cause it doesn't help anymore
All it does
Is make me bleed
Comments & reviews · 1
User avatar
guineapiggirl
Review
guineapiggirl wrote a review Review · Apr 15, 2012

I really hope you're not speaking from personal experience, and if you are then I'm really sorry about that. I hope you don't feel like that anymore.
This is a very emotive poem, but I'd like to know more about your pain. More about how each cut took away whatever. About how your heart was breaking as your skin broke or whatever. About how you nearly died and still the pain didn't go away, or something like that. How the pain will never leave, it hurts too bad and all cutting yourself does is add to the pain or something. If that doesn't sound too sadistic. :)
Maybe work on the structure a little. Each verse seems to end with the word 'bleed', apart from the verse
'I don't like blood now
'Cause my experience was bad
But, before, seeing it was relief
The mental pain that I had
Converted to physical pain
That anyone can take'
Is each verse meant to end with 'bleed'? I think it's good that they do. Also, the verses are of varying length which I'm not so sure about. Some have all lines of three or less words, others have full sentences. Personally, I think you should try and get a bit of rhythm in there.
So, in conclusion, this poem really made me feel the pain and the bleeding but I think the actual structure etc. could do with a little work :D
Great job though! And I do really hope this isn't personal experience!



You must never give into despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.
— Uncle Iroh