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18+ Language

Halfway Boy (Act 1 Scene 1)

by TheStormAroundMe

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

Author's note: Since this is meant to be a musical, I've marked breaks where the songs will be. There is an opening number before the text below, which consists of all the teenagers at the party gossiping about Quinn's questionable mental state as well as other exploits of their peers. I would like to be notified of plot holes, potentially offensive phrases, and boring parts. I do not need to know about technical errors (e.g. misspellings, missing commas, etc.). 

Also note: "Tag" is Quinn's hallucinated Tag-Along. Quinn refers to him as Jackson because he does not know that he isn't real. However, Quinn never answers Tag at a normal volume. He always addresses him privately.

Quinn sits against a door in a bathroom. Noises of a party can be heard in the background.

Quinn (with a phone recording): This is Quinn Averly, coming to you live from the bathroom of Cordelia’s house. It’s about three in the morning here, and everyone is completely shitfaced. Except me of course, cause y’know, meds. (A pause, then under his breath.) Ugh, why am I like this. (Regular volume.) I swear someone was bleeding on a couch in the other room, so I took video. That one raised a red flag, so I’m taking this one. They’re playing Mr. Brightside, which I think is a trigger song. Maybe you can hear it. Maybe it’s a hallucination. No, hallucinations don’t work like that. Anyway, three o’clock and I might be insane. (He stops the recording and plays it back, checking for inaccuracies.) Okay, good. We’re good. (He deletes the video.)

Tag (lounging in the bathtub): But what if we’re not?

Quinn: Shut up, we’re totally good.

Tag: But what if?

Quinn: We’re fine. The recording matched.

Tag: You like to tell yourself that.

Quinn: I will kick you out of this bathroom.

Tag: And how do you plan on doing that?

Quinn: I’ll find a way.

Tag: Not likely.

(Quinn picks up a toilet paper roll from the ground next to the sink and throws it at Tag, who dodges.)

Kannon (shouting over the music): Quinn? Where are you?

Quinn: The bathroom!

Kannon: Again?

Quinn: I drank a lot of water.

Kannon: You haven’t drunk anything all day. Huh, would it be drank or drunk?

(Kannon knocks on the door; Quinn jumps up and steps back. Tag snickers)

Quinn: I don’t care.

Kannon: Are you okay?

Quinn: Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve never been finer.

Kannon: Finer. That’s a great word. Finer.

Tag: No it's not. It’s not even that complicated. Kjæreste. That’s a great word. Means significant other in Norwegian. Oh, or psithrism. It’s the sound of wind through trees. I love that word.

Quinn: How much have you had?

(Tag shrugs, but Kannon thinks the question was directed at him)

Kannon: One can. I’m just buzzed.

Quinn: Liar.

Kannon: Okay, maybe two or three. What does it matter?

Tag: I’m going to guess eight.

(Quinn presses his cheek to the door in order to better hear Kannon.)

Quinn (ignoring Tag): Your parents, dipshit.

Kannon: They won’t mind.

Quinn: The hell they won’t.

Kannon: They won’t. They’ll never know it happened. Have you been getting sick?

Quinn: No, why?

Tag: Now who’s the liar?

Kannon: Come out of the bathroom. It’s a party, man. Come enjoy it!

Quinn: Go ahead without me. I’m not a party person.

Kannon: I’m not leaving until you come out of there. You like Gatorade, right?

Quinn: It’s my cocktail of choice, yes.

Kannon: I’ll get you some. C’mon, come out of there.

(Quinn straightens his shirt in the mirror and prepares to leave. Tag laughs.)

Tag: Nice outfit. It really brings out your eyes.

Quinn: Shut up.

Tag: Nah.

(Quinn exits the bathroom and heads into the party. He rubs his eyes.)

Kannon: Are you sure you’re okay?

Quinn: I told you I am, so let’s just leave it. I’m just tired is all. It’s three in the morning. Civilized people shouldn’t be up this late.

Kannon: Well, we are.

Tag (suddenly angry): Yeah, Quinn. We are. This is your fault, y’know? You’re the one who insisted we go to Cordelia’s party. We were supposed to get drunk and live it up, except being the medicated killjoy that you are, that can’t happen. Fuck, I hate you so mu—

Kannon: Quinn?

Quinn: (shakes his head) Sorry, I’m really out of it. So, what are we going to do?

Kannon: Everything. Everyone! (He winks) No, but really. We’re going to have fun. I wouldn’t suggest dancing anymore, because the drunk girls have entirely taken over. They’ve got hard rock playing in there, and they’re waltzing to it.

(As Quinn walks through the throng, people covered in blood intermingle with the normal partygoers. Kannon greets many of the blood people, but Quinn backs away. Of course, they aren't really covered in blood. It's only Quinn's addled brain.)

Tag (whispering): Sorry for talking like that. It’s unpredictable. But I think you need to do another check. Make a recording now, okay? Something is definitely wrong.

Quinn (responding under breath): It’s not real.

Tag: How do you know that? Maybe it is this time. Maybe this is the one time where it’s real.

Quinn: What are the odds of that?

Tag: There’s enough of a chance.

Quinn: How can you say that?

Tag: What if it’s finally real this time, and they kill you? Better safe than sorry.

(Quinn pulls out his phone to record the scene.)

Quinn (to Kannon): I think I have to go to the bathroom again.

Kannon: Dude, you are totally sick.

Quinn: I’m not, I’m totally fine. I’ll be back in like fifteen minutes. Just enjoy the party without me.

(Kannon shrugs)

Kannon: I’m going to hold you to that, though.

Quinn: Okay.

(A song comes in here. Since I will post the lyrics separately later, all you need to know for plot reasons is that Quinn ends up throwing a vase at a wall in order to kill something that doesn't exist. Panic sets in.)

Tag: Wow, look what you’ve done. I bet they paid a fortune for that vase. Look what you’ve done.

Quinn: I—I—

Tag: You have to get out of here. We both do. C’mon, we can exit through the front door and sprint through the backyard to get home. No one will notice.

(Quinn exits the bathroom. Instantly a couple people make a rush to get inside. All of the partygoers make a lot of noise.)

Quinn: Jackson, my head.

Tag: Yeah, I know, it hurts. It always does. Suck it up and get out of here. Look at all these people, staring at you. They know what you’ve done. Hell, the police are probably already on their way. They’re going to put you in prison for destruction of property. You know what people do to you in prison?

(The walls start oozing blood. More and more people are showing up covered in blood on top of their normal party attire. Kannon is nowhere to be seen.)

Quinn: Jackson!

Tag: You are fucking lucky to have me as your Tag-Along. C’mon, we’re leaving.

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User avatar
91 Reviews

Points: 1931
Reviews: 91

Sun Jun 25, 2017 5:48 am
Redbox275 wrote a review...

Hi there,

Red for a review! It's cool to see a play here at YMS. I have a little experience with plays and musicals and scripts, so hopefully my feedback helps.

[quote[ Quinn sits against a door in a bathroom. Noises of a party can be heard in the background. [/quote]
I noticed through the play that there are little descriptions of the setting. For example, maybe describe the bathroom. Is it an especially nice bathroom? Wrecked? I would understand too if it was just a bathroom. I would also include Tag being there unless there is a thing with lighting where it reveals Tag is there when he starts his scene.

Quinn (with a phone recording):

I would clarify in the beginning he was doing a video recording because recording could mean audio.

Also, when you talk add the detail of Quinn talking in a regular voice, could you describe how he was talking earlier? I didn't know he was talking in a different way until there were the parenthesis that indicated he was going to talk in a regular voice.

Why he is recording himself and what is going on seems mysterious. I'm interested to know what this is about.

The part where you introduce the partygoers covered is blood is interesting, but I'm unsure how to react to it. Is it a normal part of their world? Does Kannon see that they are covered in blood or is it only Quinn and Tag? I'm sure the Quinn could only see it because of his mental state, but maybe make it clear that Quinn could only see the blood.

When Quinn calls Tag Jackson, could you indicate that maybe that is Tag's real name or he is actually talking to Tag, it may be confusing to another reader if Quinn is talking to a new person.

Overall, I liked the musical. It's weird and the hallucinations would be interesting to see on sage. However, I would be more clear on stage directions and descriptions. Also there are no plot holes, yet, and nothing boring.

Good job!


Tag is actually Quinn's Tag-Along, meaning although Quinn thinks of him as a real person, he is only a hallucination. Quinn refers to him as Jackson, because he thinks Jackson is his name. The
"regular voice" part referred to volume. The previous sentence had been said under his breath. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

Redbox275 says...

It is an interesting story. Don't forget to put those interesting ideas in your play to make it more clear to the reader.

User avatar
285 Reviews

Points: 237
Reviews: 285

Sun Jun 25, 2017 4:44 am
GreenTulip wrote a review...

Hello, Tulip here to give you a review on your first scene!

Alright, first thing first- I applaud you for being able to pull off the dialogue in this off. Though the only thing I had an issue with is the fact that there was no secondary stuff. Nothing about the setting nothing. It was all dialogue or your notes.

The secondary information around the dialogue helps to create the image for the reader. All we knew was he was in a bathroom, then not, and then was outside. We only this from the dialogue. Which is still an issue- you still need to be able to paint a picture. Without the format of a book, a play is based off that.

The communication between the three people is good, but should still be clear up a little bit. Especially when Quinn was going in between talking to Tag and then to Kannon. Sometimes to me, it was a little-jumbled up.

I'm sorry if I wasn't more helpful, plays aren't really my thing. But I hope it was helpful to you in some way!

Have a good Review Day!

Any review is good for me. I was thinking when I wrote this that I would design the set myself if it was ever being performed, but I will look into a little more description. Thank you for reading!

Ghosts, demons, and ghouls cannot scare the cat's underling.
— TheMulticoloredCyr