Published March 31, 2010
I dream a dream,
over and over,
of a place far far away,
please take me there,
oh how I wish you would,
things are much different,
for you,
and for me,
don't worry you won't miss here,
cause there it will only be you and me.
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Canary word: Present
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140,223 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Jemjive-thanks so much!(:
It flows nicely and has a great emotional lace. I like it.
~Alyson, thanks so much for the review, and I would love to hear you suggestions~(:
Scarlett, I'm glad you enjoyed it(:
~Kightley
Thanks so much for the review, I agree that I ramble. I just kind of whipped this poem up!(: Thanks for the tips, I'm so new to writing and I appreciate all the help!(:
Just a quick review, because I'm pressed for time. Let's get started!
I like the concept behind your poem, but you tend to ramble at times, and the flow is a tad sketchy. I would suggest making the majority of the lines the same length as each other. That way your poem will be more easily understood. Also, if you sense that your poem is going a different direction than when you started writing it, start a new stanza! For example, you don't want to combine two very different lines like, "I have a dog/my mother just sneezed" into one stanza, because it is just...weird.
And that's it for now! Sorry it's so short. If you have any questions or would like another review, please don't hesitate to ask me!
-Knightley
Hey.
This is such a sweet little poem. The imagery is beautiful and the idea is cute and sweet. I really like it. *clicks 'like'* I couldn't help smiling a little as I read it.
Thanks for making me smile and for the beautiful poetry.
~Scarlett.
Hey I'm Alyson and I will be your reviewer today =]
This is a cute little poem; I loved it !!!! It was rather short, but alot of poems are like that. There are some things that I would change or add to it, but I'm not going to tell you cuz then it would be my poem not yours. I like the way you wrote it so the second person could be anybody. Extra likes for this one!
Keep it up and welcome to YWS =]