I fill the nights
Driving around
No where in sight
Not even a sound
~
Just trying to forget
But it's not that easy
That's something people don't get
The things that fill your mind
Are the ones you try so hard to forget
~
So maybe on night
When I'm driving around
I'll see a lovely sight
And maybe even a happy sound
No one will no know me
Or the things that used to be
~
Cause do those things really matter
Everyone messes up
Hearts break and tatter
Some people just learn to suck it up
~
The life that I used to live
Just not worth it now
Somethings gotta give
I'm just sick of this town
~
So as the night turns to a new day
I'll wave my hand goodbye
Cause I have nothing left to say
That old life was just a lie
~
Next time you see me
If you ever do
You'll hopefully like what you see
Cause I will never be the same
As the girl that used to fill the nights
Driving around
Not seeing any sights
And nope not a sound
~
Maybe I'll be back some day
But please don't keep your breath at bay
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
beautiful peice you have here, just wonderful
Hi,
Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here.
I think the rhythm works nicely and this progresses nicely from beginning to end. I really like;
"But please don't keep your breath at bay."
The speaker's emotions also come across very powerfully.
I think that the rhyming pattern restricts you, so I'd try this without rhyme.
I'd add more imagery, images of where the speaker is driving and what she/he passes and I'd use the imagery to suggest the feelings, such as "I'm just sick of this town"-so for instance here you could describe the worst things about the town, paying close attention to imagery.
The best thing you can do is read poetry.
Hope this helps,
Jas