Published July 11, 2015
(Verse 1)
Unfolding the map of my life,
I hear the sound of crinkled paper.
Looking back on the roads I took,
outlined in bright colors,
I think of the days when I felt,
Confined to a chain and collar.
(Chorus)
A once pure paper now stamped with lines.
Some blue, some red, some not seen.
All showing the many choices that were mine,
Now I see them all on one big screen.
(Verse 2)
I close my eyes when I think of that road,
I think of the people who I owed.
When I came out on the other side,
Feeling unsafe and wanting to hide.
(Verse 3)
It didn't take me long to find out,
Those who had no intention of staying on my route.
And those who loved me no matter what,
Even when I was broken or in a rut.
(repeat chorus)
A once pure paper now stamped with lines.
Some blue, some red, some not seen.
All showing the many choices that were mine,
Now I see them all on one big screen.
(Verse 4)
Many times Ive tried to erase the ink,
But then I stop myself and I think.
Those darker lines that have been drawn,
And the sun I watched every morning, dawn.
Both combined make me who I am.
(Verse 5)
The red, the blue, and the green,
Are the different paths that can be seen.
Yet the lines still in white,
Will not be seen until daylight.
Authors Note - This is the 2nd song I have ever written, just wrote and this is what came out. Took me half an hour so still rough. Plz be harsh on what you think and what needs to be improved =)
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141,698 Literary Works • 675,577 Reviews
Interesting song, with quite the emotional meaning behind it. I have nothing harsh to say - and nothing to really improve it, either. Maybe a better rhyme scheme? I dunno. It's beautiful no matter what anyone says, so hold it close to your heart. Keep writing songs and the like for us all, please!
Thank you so much for your comment =)
Amazing song. I honestly loved the meaning behind it. It's very well composed and I would love to hear some music with this. I think this would have a lot of impact on many people who feel the same way, have felt that way, and will feel this way in the future. Very nice work. I apologize if I can't offer much of constructive criticism on this. I couldn't find anything wrong with it. Nonetheless, I hope you continue to write more songs like this. This is wonderful. Have an amazing afternoon. -IceWinifredd
Thank you so much, i really appreciate it
Ill be posting more work soon!
This is a very good song. Well written, simple, yet vivid with so much imagery, especially when you are describing colors
)
Grammar is good. Spelling is also good. Just one little advice; this is just my personal opinion though; I think you should use the same rhyming scheme on all stanzas.
For instance, nstead of aabb, abab, aabbc, you could use all abab (that's why favorite
Poetic pieces sound better with identical rhyming schemes on every stanzas. Other than that, this piece excellent. Keep up the great work!
Thank you so much for your review! I appreciate the suggestion and I might try it =)