Nothing is as it seems,
these walls contain secrets I have never told
losing myself in the fray
As I sit by the window
waiting for a better day
My lips feel dry and dead
heavy with the words I've said
My tears fall down and hit the floor
as furious as a winter storm
locked and trapped inside my soul
pounding and screaming until I'm let out.
Shutters closed until the dark
Trying to block out the marks
Created from the scars of love
My sacrifice
my debt be paid
from being a slave to pain
Earth-shattering, gut wrenching
shame.
A liar
a thief,
you stole my heart
Forget my laugh
forget my love
you'll never heal my scars again.
My sacrifice
debt be paid
my time is done
take the pain away.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This poem is very depressing....but I guess that's the idea!
I sincerely hope you aren't currently enduring such awful feelings, but if so seek guidance from a loved one or something.
OK, I'm going to drop the nice act now, but don't worry I won't be a complete A-hole.
You're expression of pain was very vivid, however, I kind of lost track of what exactly you were focusing on. I know it's a poem, and its meant to be ambiguous, but I sort of felt like you were changing the focus as you were writing it. I mean, from what source did the pain derive from?
At first it seemed like general depression then you randomly suggested relationship problems. I don't know, maybe I'm being too harsh and lacking in compassion, but I sort of found it a little dramatic. Then again, one might say a lot of poets are like that, and many are true artists. So who am I to judge.
Overall; very articulate, well expressed and a decent read.
Thanks for taking the time to review..... I'm not going through feelings like that, but I can imagine. I'll take your advice into consideration..... Thanks!
This whole poem made me shutter with fear. The imagery you put into this is perfect. A TV screen flashed in my head, and I could picture how dark the setting of this poem must be. The ending just split my heart in two. I may be wrong with what happened at the end, but I can tell you that I have pity for the narrator for sure. I just want to jump into this world and give her a hug (or him). Please keep writing. I love your work.
Thanks! I have a lot more..... they are just not up yet.......
Hello there,
I love your poem and I really want to give you a hug just now. You managed to convey so much emotion through this poem and it is wonderful. The poem is wonderful and you are clearly a talented writer.
My advice to you for the future, try and include some more imagery in here. You have created some effective images in this poem but you didn't sustain it for a length of time. Just remember that an image is only effective if it is sustained.
But overall, this is an amazing piece. <3
Thank you for the advice, I will take that into consideration....