Published November 8, 2011
This is meant to be a rap (sort of). My teacher said I should submit it to the yearbook. What do you think?
P.S. I don't really know anything about poetry, so don't be too harsh.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know how it is. Everyone always thinks they got it worse than the next guy,
Just because they had a bad day, or they can’t connect with their kid,
They’ve got no money to pay the rent, or they got to lie about something they did.
The world’s just so messed up, we can’t believe how much trouble we’re in,
It’d be a better place if everyone just took a look around the room
And just thought to themselves, “Now how can I make life better for someone else?”
But that’s just how human nature is, we don’t think about each other.
All I’m saying is do your best to watch out for a brother,
And make sure you’re doing your best to do what’s right, and I know
That it’s hard sometimes but we can only do our best, nothing more.
So do it for each other, and do it for yourself,
Take a look around the room and see what you can do for someone else.
Just take a minute to consider what I have to say. It’s okay to feel sorry
For yourself, just don’t take it out on anyone else.
Do what you can to be a better you, so that no one can say you’re not beautiful.
Just stay true to everyone around you, and make sure you’re doing all you can,
Because some of us are better off than others, you know it’s true.
Why else can’t we all be one hundred and fifty per cent human and live for someone else?
This isn’t meant to have a rhythm; it’s just supposed to have a message.
I don’t care if it doesn’t rhyme or have enough cussing in it.
I wanted people to believe in something other than the music.
I think a lot of people have forgotten what this is all about
And they just keep on talking about the stuff that doesn’t matter, and running their mouths off?
You would think we could do better with our lives that we’re given, so don’t always think about yourself.
Remember, life’s a blessing, so think about someone else.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,556 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Kay so I really liked this, and being really into rap and hip-hop myself, I was able to perfectly form this in my head as a song, which is really good. I do have to say, in the line "And they just keep on talking about the stuff that doesn’t matter, and running their mouths off?" I feel like it would be better if you left the "off" out of it. It's messes with the meter and rhyme scheme. Also, if you could throw a few more rhymes in there (and not everyone can, it's not always needed or possible) it would flow a bit better, but it's great as it is so no worries.
I loved this part
"But that’s just how human nature is, we don’t think about each other.
All I’m saying is do your best to watch out for a brother,
And make sure you’re doing your best to do what’s right, and I know
That it’s hard sometimes but we can only do our best, nothing more.
So do it for each other, and do it for yourself,
Take a look around the room and see what you can do for someone else."
Well, that was one hell of a rap and let me tell ya, it was great. I liked everything except for the way how you divided it that is you could have divided it into more stanzas so that it would not look bulky. Other than that great rap piece. Keep writing.