Here I Am

Wow. This has amazing emotion to it. I like the last line too! You did a really nice job with this and I have no complaints or anything. Really REALLY good job! The other people did nice reviews so I think you have all that you need to know. Well done and keep writing!

I loved the last line of it. The poem as a whole was very moving. However, I thought that breaking from "they" to "it" on the mouth part depleted from the overall sensation of the poem. If it was only the heart that said "it," I feel it might be more powerful. Overall, it was uber good!

I should really give my full review but if the "here is my mouth it will speak for you" is a bother what about, instead, "here are my lips, they will speak for you."

It was very lovely, Hallmark card worthy. The last lines, "here is my heart it will break for you," i believe has the most power and effect on the poem.

This is good. Romantic in the sense of how you can use your body, the only thing you really possess if all else is taken away, to aid another person. I would say this is romantic in one way but also quite realistic and practical. The last line however is very different. We know that a heart doesn't actually break for someone we love or lose and so with that line, you've added a sad, slightly whimsical and truly romantic idea.

I know someone above said use metaphors and similes to mix it up but I don't think that's always necessary, sometimes plain language works best. You could say the entire poem is a metaphor in itself, eg, 'Here are my feet/they will move for you' doesn't mean you're going to literally do this but in a more figurative, idealist way. This really has an nice balance so it works well. Only thing I dislike is the title but that's a minor point! Very good, enjoyed writing about it


Jaz

It's a good poem. If you continue writing more you can write even better than this.

Keep Writing,

kikialicia31

TheManintheHat wrote:This is a novel attempt for me, to write romantically. Please, tell me what you think of this poem:

Here are my hands
They will work for you

Here are my feet
They will move for you

Here are my eyes
They will watch for you

Here is my mouth
It will speak for you

Here are my arms
They will shield for you

Here is my heart
It will break for you

I think its very well written, I prefer free verse, though.

Try changing things up and using imagery and similes and metaphors.

This (I think) is really well written. It has great emotion!! Love it!!