Published March 27, 2010
The ones line up on the clock
Tic…toc...tic…toc
The twos line up on the clock
Tic… toc… tic…toc
The threes line up on the clock
Tic…toc…tic…toc
The fours line up on the clock
Tic…toc…tic..toc
A five lines up on the clock
Tic…toc
One fall on the chopping block
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,690 Literary Works • 675,575 Reviews
Instead of ruining the fun of discovery, I've made a minor change.
The Ones line up on the clock
Tic…toc...tic…toc
The Twos line up on the clock
Tic… toc… tic…toc
The Threes line up on the clock
Tic…toc…tic…toc
The Fours line up on the clock
Tic…toc…tic..toc
A Five lines up on the clock
Tic…toc
One fall on the chopping block
Remarkably simple yet somewhat profound.
I only wonder if you could elaborate.
As far as the body, the repetition gets laborious after about the 3rd line.
Unfortunately, I don't see a way to make it more interesting without adding somewhat of a variation. Or perhaps changing the numbers.
Anyway, I can't say it was a pleasure to read, but it certainly was interesting. :3
You lost me and I absolutely love this poem because you did! I'm not sure what it means, but it's an amazing piece of work! Just because I'm curious, What exactly is the meaning of it? Other than that, Bravo! Its really good!
~ Cassi
Ooh lala!! I like this. But I have a certain understanding of this and I'm not sure if it's right. Can you elaborate??