The Grain and Soul to be renewed,
At once a reign of life
Not the pain of death, nor the pain of loss,
and yet nor the pain
of
gain
To be allowed and full,
upon the life
and fresh beginning
and
untamed
curiosity,
For once the day comes,
That Grand Day,
That Terrible day,
There will cease
to
all,
A pain to great and treacherous
Too Monstrous,
Too sheathed
All
will be
well
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Canary word: Present
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This was a decent poem. The part i liked best about it is obviously how I can relate to it. The ideas were expressed well, but structure and flow could be better.
hey
this poem is really good
the only thing i have to say is that at this part
shouldn't this be two seperate verses instead of in the same verse? if not then leave it, i was just wondering.
also, at the end of the stanzas when you break up your last verse into seperate verses i.e.
i know it's supposed to be that way and that is how you wanted to write it, but it kinda throws you off while you are reading the poem. it's distracting.
other than those things i think it is a great poem and you captured what you were trying to say very well
happy writing
Wow I like this a lot!
My favourite part is definately the first stanza, it reminds me a lot of a poem by Philip Larkin called Sad Steps when he says:
"Is a reminder of the strength and pain
Of being young; that it can't come again,
But is for others undiminished somewhere."
I like the way you capitalise Grain and Soul - very effective. I think maybe you should make sure your punctuation is the same all the way through though, at the end of some of the stanzas you put a comma and others nothing at all, sometimes you use a capital at the start of the line and other times you don't - it isn't very uniform. Unless that's what you wanted! I'd put a stop at the end of the last stanza either way.
"to" should be "too"
I think this poem is really meaningful - lovely.