Youth

by TheIllusionist

Published July 17, 2008

The Grain and Soul to be renewed,
At once a reign of life
Not the pain of death, nor the pain of loss,
and yet nor the pain
of
gain

To be allowed and full,
upon the life
and fresh beginning
and
untamed
curiosity,

For once the day comes,
That Grand Day,
That Terrible day,
There will cease
to
all,

A pain to great and treacherous
Too Monstrous,
Too sheathed
All
will be
well

Comments & reviews · 3
oneeyedunicornhunter commented Comment · Jul 20, 2008

This was a decent poem. The part i liked best about it is obviously how I can relate to it. The ideas were expressed well, but structure and flow could be better.

User avatar
Sportgurl46
Review
Sportgurl46 wrote a review Review · Jul 19, 2008

hey :) this poem is really good :) the only thing i have to say is that at this part

Not the pain of death, nor the pain of loss,

shouldn't this be two seperate verses instead of in the same verse? if not then leave it, i was just wondering.
also, at the end of the stanzas when you break up your last verse into seperate verses i.e.
and yet nor the pain
of
gain

i know it's supposed to be that way and that is how you wanted to write it, but it kinda throws you off while you are reading the poem. it's distracting.

other than those things i think it is a great poem and you captured what you were trying to say very well :)

happy writing :)

andimlovegalore wrote a review Review · Jul 17, 2008

Wow I like this a lot!

My favourite part is definately the first stanza, it reminds me a lot of a poem by Philip Larkin called Sad Steps when he says:

"Is a reminder of the strength and pain
Of being young; that it can't come again,
But is for others undiminished somewhere."

I like the way you capitalise Grain and Soul - very effective. I think maybe you should make sure your punctuation is the same all the way through though, at the end of some of the stanzas you put a comma and others nothing at all, sometimes you use a capital at the start of the line and other times you don't - it isn't very uniform. Unless that's what you wanted! I'd put a stop at the end of the last stanza either way.

A pain to great and treacherous

"to" should be "too"

I think this poem is really meaningful - lovely.



The secret of being tiresome is to tell everything.
— Voltaire