Published September 26, 2007
TITLE HELP WILL BE MUCH APPRECIATED!
I was too blind to even see
The suffering going on around me
I was too numb I couldn’t feel
What is true and what isn’t real
I was too deaf I couldn’t even hear
The screams of pain, the screams of fear
But with all I have and all I know
Will just go forever on to show
I am lucky for all I can call my own
This some people have never known
So now I can feel, can hear, can see
Now I will help those who were just like me
Those who are numb, deaf and blind
Help these people, and I will find
A way to help the good things unfurl
A way to help the suffering world.
kinda weird, I know, but these words are true.
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140,586 Literary Works • 673,540 Reviews
Hmmm....how about Beginning to See as a title?
There were a few points when I was reading this when I had to stop and reread, to get the gist of it, which interrupted the flow of it. That's not good. Some of the wording was awkward, like the line that said, "what is true and what isn't real". Now I realize that you were tampering with what you wanted to say to fit with the rhyme scheme, but try this instead: "what is true and what's not real". It works with your rhythm.
Something seemed off to me. Try going over this a few times, read it aloud to yourself or a friend or something, because it can be awkward in places. I like what you're saying here, it's a good message, but the delivery is kind of rocky. This could be really great, just work on it a little bit more.
Aussie
hhhmmm I don't know if that is quite what I'm looking for...but I won't lie...it's a great name!
How about "Def to the Blind?"