Published June 13, 2010
They Danced For Me
They dance in the air
I watch them fly
Twirling in bliss
Swaying together
Round and round
Summer is here
They dance in the air
My heart is transfixed
My feet are heavy
Bound to the ground
I want to fly
Winter is fear
Darkness and ice
Consume the sky
The air becomes frigid
Where have they gone?
They danced in the air
I've seen them before
The future is theirs
They come no more
______
Hi. Um, to be honest, I'm not sure what kind of poetry this is. I don't write poety. I have written about four poems before and I didn't like any of them. I thought I would be brave and see what happens with this. If it sucks majorly, then please do say so, I will learn more about poetry the next time I try to write some. Haha. Thanks for reading!
Evil
P.S I have no idea how to punctuate a poem. Do help me! ><
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,831 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I liked it, but like ziggie said above it is hard to get the picture of what you are talking about. The mental image I got was bird, because of the leaving for winter line. I think you should give more detail and tell us what you are talking about. I think Ziggie commented on the punctuation above so there isnt much more to say.
Keep Writing and Pm me if you need anything.
-Flower-
Hello there
This was...interesting. I did not like it that much. Maybe it's because I did not grab the message. As I read the poem, I could not draw the picture of who or what "they" are; which is part of the reason why I did not like it. I think that the poem did not connect well and told no story to me.
Anyways, I do not know how to punctuate either. What I do when I write a poem is to punctuate according to the sentence I wrote even if the poem is wirtten in stanzas. I will use yours to clarify 'my way'. I will just use one paragraph,
something like that. But I'm no expert, you are because you know what emotion you were going for. There is something I learnt when I was younger about poems and that is, there are no rules when it comes to punctuating poetry because every gesture in your poem is poetic and describes what you are feeling...I know right! But that's just me, maybe other people will view it differently. Try reading a lot of poetry, that will help. Keep writing.
Hope I made some sense
Ziggie