Published December 22, 2010
The Mice Should Have Checked Out Classroom 042
Yaaaaaaawn!
Sounds, coming from a faraway
place; your bets – anyone, anyone? –
Professor calls out, nobody's listening;
his voice may as well have been
the echoes... of a beached seashell
A lone curiosity
A singularity
Such as fate sometimes pairs:
one student, ears expanded,
the second singularity – regular oddity.
She hears inspiration while we hear
drones on and on and on.
The professor looks up; she looks ahead.
Their eyes meet – sparkle.
As the rest of us
she was, yet separate,
alone with our professor
finding a meaning; we
passed by the seashell
she sought.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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142,056 Literary Works • 676,492 Reviews
Aw, this poem was great! Now, as I'm assuming this is from the perspective of a mouse, I thought it was cool what he sees compared to everyone else -- he sees the bored children, but that one who is paying attention ... Sort of like what the teacher would see theirself!
I loved these ending lines! They were really, really cute!
Keep up the writing!
Hi again Ilya!
It's a cute poem, and I especially like the part in the middle:
It's so simplistic. I love it.
WIth your poem here, you managed to create an equality in rhythm. I'm not too fond of the "Yawn" at the beginning of the piece, I think it dampens it a bit and I don't think it's necessarily required of your poem, but if you insist on keeping it in, that's okay. Personally, though, I think the poem would do a lot better without it.
Sorry my review is short, but I honestly could find little to nit-pick about.
Lavvi
Howdy, Ilya!
I like the style of this poem above everything so far. It seems to be jumbled up and missing a few parts. Of course, that's what I like. I read through this really fast, mostly because the rhythm and flow kind of got me reading like that. The only problem I really have is identifying the main idea of this poem.
I really liked this. Quick question, though: Is the meaning found just in the material the professor is teaching? Or is this about a student falling for a professor, which I came up with thanks to the line about their eyes sparkling? Let me know, I'm curious!
~Blue