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Dear Diary?

by TheDaileeyAlly


Dear Diary,

Well lets start off with basics. I'm Lauren, I'm 15 years old and in my jounalism class we're being forced to keep this and we have to write at least three times a week. Let me just say that I'm a very shy person, I prefer working alone, I have 3 friends, I'm not a people person(Obviously), and just a friendly reminder that not everything in this will be nice, positive thoughts. It's high school, there are going to be bad days, but lets try to make this freshamn year work, eh?

One of the things we were told to write about on the first page is to describe how we look and act. So, I have brown hair with a mix of blonde in it naturally and hazel eyes. I'm not the skinniest in the group but I'm not fat either. Get the picture? I'm pretty carefree....actually no, scratch that, I'm not carefree at all! I care about I look, my grades, and sadly what people think about me. I have little to no confidience, in 6th grade I earned my nickname, Slippy. Lets just say I always manage to fall on any kind of floor at any time. I live with just my mom but my friend is always over so she might as well move in. Oh! I should tell you about my friends, I have three. Chloe, is completly crazy! She's always there for a laugh and is very loyal. Mikayla, she hates just about everything except materialistic things, but I still love her with all my heart! Kristi, I would take a bullet right through my eyes for that girl. She is the perfect bestfriend. She's good fora laugh but she's also very seriosu so it's the perfect balance for me! The only sad part is she goes to a private high school so I don't get to see her all that much but we make it work. I only hate one person and I have my reasons. I'm sure she'll give me some crap this year so you'll probably hear more about her later in this book!!

I can't think of anything else so I guess thats all for now...

-xx Laurenn.


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20 Reviews


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Reviews: 20

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Thu Oct 18, 2012 12:30 pm
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MaxZero1496 wrote a review...



Well, this is really cool! Good luck with your journalism class! Just a few mistakes that I saw:
1. Line one, journalism misspelled.
2. Line five, freshman misspelled.
3. And last, after Chloe, completely is misspelled.
Good luck in your journalism class! Your style far outshines any mistakes you made.




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55 Reviews


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Wed Oct 17, 2012 9:47 pm
mb1221 wrote a review...



Hi!

I really enjoyed reading this... First of all, I would say don't worry about the friend that you hate... It's high school, yes, and we all have similar problems... :)

I would also like to friendly advise you to avoid repetitions in your following works. For example, in the beginning, you have said "I have three friends." You also mentioned this in the end as well, by saying "Oh! I should tell you about my friends, I have three."

This was just a friendly reminder as I mentioned above, and I really look forward to read your following diaries... :) Good luck with your journalism class and that friend whom you hate... :)




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13 Reviews


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Sat Aug 25, 2012 7:27 am
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SpeedyPencil wrote a review...



Hello, my name is speedy and I will be reviewing your writing! :D

First of, so the idea isn't you know all that original, the whole diary and being forced to write in it thing, I still thought you executed it well. There are a few sentences that are a little too long, for example here:

"I prefer working alone, I have 3 friends, I'm not a people person(Obviously), and just a friendly reminder that not everything in this will be nice, positive thoughts."

It would flow a lot better with a new sentence for "Just a friendly reminder", it really doesn't fit otherwise since you've already stated different ideas in a sentence and then a completely different one.

Just a nit picky thing with this:

"....actually no, scratch that, I'm not carefree at all! "

It sounds a lot better without the exclamation mark, I promise you. It kind of sounds fake or cheesy with it. I quiet like this quote (which I forgot who it was by) about putting exclamation marks into your writing being like laughing at your own jokes. While it's not always true, in this instance I find it is.

"about her later in this book!!"

double exclamation marks are a big no no in any piece of writing, and that rules a pretty strict one.

"but she's also very seriosu"

um yeah... kind of explains itself. But make sure you type your stuff in word first and do a quick spellcheck and read over so you don't get any more silly mistakes! You've also done this at the end of the piece where you spelt Lauren with two n's.

There's quiet a bit of grammatical things in the piece but I think I've said enough for now. Great job! I hope you write some more of Lauren's diaries!

Keep writing!

-Speedy Pencil





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