Published June 7, 2011
Hey everyone. This is part 1 of my short story (wrote it for class, but I really liked it so put it on here) that takes place a year after the end of the Civil War, at a dinner party. I hope you like it, reviews GREATLY appreciated.
Part 2 should be up sometime soon, depends on how many reviews this gets/how inspired I am. Read on, please 
Brothers
Part 1
James Caraway only sat down in his chair when he looked across the table. His heart sank like a stone.
Across from him sat another man. He was tall, much like James himself, towheaded and handsome. He was currently exuding some of his famous Southern charm on a lady sitting next to him, who James noticed a ring on her finger.
The man was well dressed. This dinner party required it, anyway. Maybe the gold cuff links were excessive. He wasn’t sure, he thought, looking somewhat remorsefully down at his own plain silver ones.
“Jim? Is that you?”
James, Jim, felt the blood leave his face as what he dreaded to happen actually happened. Slowly and stiffly, he turned.
“Fancy meeting you here.” He said tightly. The man sitting in front of him was looking at him in wide eyed surprise. “This is a McDowell party.”
“I was in the area…” the man said, subconsciously pushing out his chest.
“Where’s Clara?” James asked stiffly, forcing polite conversation.
“Back at home. Come down with a slight cold.” He answered at the mention of his fiancé, turning his head slightly.
James pictured the beautiful Clara Smithson, soon to be Mrs. Clara Harlan.
“It’s been a long time, Jim.” The man said, leaning back slightly and taking a sip of his wine.
“Indeed it has, Beau.” James said, frowning slightly.
Beau Harlan shrugged as if it was nothing, holding his glass in a hand. The two young men stared at one another for a while.
“Is that all you can say?” James demanded, still frowning. Beau coolly raised a single brow.
“Is there much else to say?” he asked. “It’s all over, you know.”
“I know.” James said tighly, resisting the urge to grunt and cross his arms. He maintained his gentlemanly stance, taking a breath to calm himself.
“I don’t know why you are back, Beau.” James said.
“Is a man not allowed to travel?”
“He may be allowed, but a traitor traveling is not sat with easily.” James frowned again.
He remembered the heat of his first battle, the sound of the drums, and the cannons and the guns. It was as clear in his mind as if it was stamped into it.
James listened to the conversations around him, all polite and civil.
“Be reasonable, James.” Beau scolded, still sitting back with his glass in his fingers. “Time has passed, my old friend.”
“Barely a year.” James said. “Time may heal the physical injuries, but the others take longer.”
Beau sighed.
“What’s done is done. Even though my Southern brothers may not agree, the War is over. Be glad you have all of your limbs, friend.”
James thought of all the men left without legs or arms. Then of the haggard Southern soldiers at the very end of the War, walking like skeletons and looking just like it.
“How was it to return home?” James asked tightly. Beau tilted his handsome, blonde head to one side and shrugged slightly.
“It was as it was. All the people back home were somewhat sick of the fighting anyway.”
James thought the Southern soldiers would be welcomed home by their wives and mothers like they had. They’d talk about what a brave trial it was. The women would want to know every young soldiers tale, and the men would tell them with just the charm like it was an adventure book. What he had seen was very far from some glamorous fairytale.
"Be brave, Jimmy." James’s father had said to him just a little before he had left with the other soldiers. “It’s all you have out there.”
His father was a veteran of the Mexican-American War. James’s mother had begged him not to go to war, he didn’t after much discussion. But James did, their only son, a brave, disillusioned young man who had thought this would be an adventure.
When he was little at the farm, he loved to play soldiers.
“You’ve got to march!” said seven year old Jimmy, a shovel over his shoulder like a gun.
“I am, Jimmy! This rake is really heavy!” said the other little boy, a little boy with blonde curls, blue eyes and a long rake he struggled to keep over his shoulder.
“About face!” little Jimmy said, turning in his path. “We’re going to fight, Beau! We’re going to fight!”
“Fight!” squealed little Beau with a wide little grin.
How right he was.
End of Part 1
Please, please review!
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139,448 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
Overall I think this piece has great potential but also needs more work on fixing up the imagery and feelings and emotions in the story. Good luck! Thanks for posting!
Peace,
Snickerdooly
Well, this story seems interesting, and I would love to see where you go with it.
Okay, there's one line that confused me, unfortunately, it was the first.
Maybe it was just me, but I was really confused by that line. Being the kind of person that I am, I assumed I'd be confused by lines like this throughout, but quite honestly, this was the only one that I was confused with. Perhaps there is a different way you could word it. I think what really through me off was the use of the words "only," and "when." I felt like it was a sentence cut off and their was a part missing. Like I said, maybe it was just me, but it seems it should be worded differently.
That's about all I can think of to point out, because the rest of the story, I loved it. I would really like to read more. Keep up the good work.
Hi,
I really enjoyed this. I love historical-fiction. This has an accurate portrayal of a soldier's view of a coward. I love how you had them as friends/family in the past. This makes a wonderful story, and I can't wait to read more! I have one major nitpick, though.
Try rewording the last dependent clause in that paragraph. I had sat here for a few minutes mulling over it, trying to decypher what it meant. It didn't seem to fit nor did it flow. I do really enjoy this. Good job!
Farewell,
A.
Hello! So far, I am loving this story line. It is great and the way you started off with dialogue hooked me right away. But some of the wording confused me and made it harder to follow.
Take for exampe, using Beau, sometimes for Jim. It left me wondering," Is that his real name? A childhood nickname? I was confused on why it was being used. So maybe, after you use it the first time in the story, you coud say something like: " Beau. His childhood nickname." Something to that effect.
Also, you described Jim very well in the manner of his character and physicality, but not James very much. I hope to see them develope more as the story goes on.
As the other YWS users have already mentioned/ commented on the grammar, I will not rehash. Just remember to edit you work as you are writing it if you see any mistakes.
Overall, I love the idea and the characters feel human and true. I can't wait to read more.
-Ballerina
I really like this story. I can't wait to read part 2. I like the emotions in it.
hi there
we're just starting studying American civil rights from the end of the civil war so I thought I'd give this a read, and I'm rather glad I did 
I really liked your presentation of the soldiers... that was a pretty lame comment, but in my head there's more depth to it - I guess I wanted to compliment your characterisation for its authenticity, or something... 
I'm a grammar person and a stickler for COMPLETE ACCURACY so be warned: pinickity-ness upcoming
sorry to jump in right at the start but this sentence is confused. Do you mean "James Caraway had only just sat down in his chair when he looked across the table - and his heart sank." ? Or something along those lines? Great start otherwise - I love to know the character's name right away and sometimes it takes a while (that said, I often don't... ooh I am a hypocrite)
You do this a lot, so I'm guessing you are unfamiliar with this idea: when to put a comma before the closing speech mark, and when to put a full stop/period.
When to put a comma: ""Fancy meeting you here," he said tightly." Because the bit outside the speech marks directly relates to the speech - the speech IS what he said.
When to put a full stop: ""Fancy meeting you here." His expression had turned stony." Here, you put a full stop in the speech because the subsequent words aren't describing the speech. Geddit? Great.
Hmm. Something about the last bit is a bit off. I think "on whose finger James noticed a ring." or just "sitting next to him, a ring on her finger." or "sitting next to him; James noticed a ring on her finger." Take your pick!
As you can possibly tell, that really isn't much for a piece of this length - so congratulate yourself with a piece of cake or something, because your writing style is sound, you know what you want to express and you seem comfortable writing in an historical format. Excellent!
~*cottonrulz*~
wow, your novel so far accurately shows a soldiers opinion of a coward. as far as i cam see your grammar is brilliant. id really like to see where this goes . you could put a little more emotion into it like dreading could be more emfasized, i only say tis because im doing some exams at the moment and just noticed, sorry if thts a little harsh