Two weeks before,
I told him another story
As he sipped his decaf mocha
Only stopping to chuckle
Thin lips smirked
Blue eyes narrowed
Their corners crinkled
One week before,
Steam rose from his mug
Its path obstructed
By his hanging head
Once I finished my story
He stood and exited
Leaving his drink untouched
The day before,
He was uncombed and unshaven
I started my story as he sat
And he whipped his head up
Staring
Thin lips wavering
Blue eyes gone bloodshot
Dark circles underneath
He downed his mocha
Stood
And left
On the day,
His seat was empty
The day after,
A woman filled his empty seat
Sighing after every gulp of her latte
I asked if she would like to hear a story
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
It's really nice how you use time as a concept in there. The message -though not profound- is so "every day" I love it.
The structure is really nice, punctuation correct. I'd still advise you to use an expanded vocabulary, but it's still nice. Keep going
Thank you Nankx, I'm glad you like the message! I'll keep in mind what you said about using an expanded vocabulary.
Hey Tiny here!
Okay so this hit me man. Hit me right in the feels gut. As a depressed person I can kinda relate to the suicidal character. It truly is hard being sad and alone and you captured that.
Review:
Okay so yes I did run mainly because you started off using punctuation at each stanza. You gotta commit if you are or are not using punctuation otherwise it messes with peoples reading.
This story was beautiful and I really feel it could be longer (as any poem/story should). It was would super cool I think if you made another post about the stories your character had told.
Grammar-10
Spelling-10
Punctuation-7
Overall-8.5
Keep writing
Thanks Tiny
I'm glad I could hit you in your feels gut 
I might make another post about the stories, not sure if that will be a poem or a narrative though.
This gave me goose bumps, I don't know why. I really like the meaning I got from the poem, it's really nice, and realistic.
I did realize some grammatical stuff! Like you didn't use a lot of punctuation, so a lot of it ran together without pauses. Use more commas, and even periods. It won't sound like such a heavy, fast read if you add some punctuation.
Overall, it's lovely, defiantly going to read it again later, I love it!
Keep writing!
- Phoenix
Thank you for your review!
I'm a bit new to poetry, so your advice on punctuation will definitely come in handy!
Okay......is it stupid for me to say that I kinda love this but I don't understand what it's about? >< Pleaseeee enlighten me
P.S. I love it because you wrote every line in way that I could picture the scenes clearly. This rarely happens with poems....
No, that's not stupid! I like leaving my works up to the reader's interpretation. What do you think it's about?
And thank you for your comment!
Hmmm.............to me, it sounds like a barista telling long-winded stories to his tired, decaffeinated customers. xD What's unique about this is that although the emotions play heavily on the customers, the point of view of the poem is that of the chatty barista! It's also ironic that the first customer goes into the coffee shop tired, and leaves the coffee shop...still tired! But maybe that's because he left his drink untouched
If I were to overthink this and go even deeper, it sounds like the first guy had committed suicide, and the lady who takes his place next is about to go through the same cycle. ><
I'm glad you figured out how there might be a cycle here. But I didn't want every character to necessarily commit suicide, the idea of the cycle is that a character comes to the coffee shop, leaves, and is replaced, the interlude being the time when their seat is empty.
I see......sounds very original!
Thank you! ^v^