Published December 4, 2005
I stood in the hall,
Waiting for class to start,
When your beauty caught my gaze,
You smelt of sweet peaches,
You didn't’t know but I was amazed.
I wanted you bad,
But couldn't’t get close,
Your boys wouldn't’t let me,
They stole the dignity I had,
While my heart bled,
And my feelings spoke to no one,
Of my feelings left unsaid.
They don’t really see you,
Not like I do,
They see a pretty face,
Yet I see much, much more,
I see a girl,
Whose beauty,
Is in more than just her looks,
I see a girl I could adore.
As I wait,
In the shadows of your life,
Praying that you’ll shed some light,
My way soon,
Liking what you see,
But all I can do now,
Is Hope.
Hope Pt. 2
Everybody says they know
Yet no one knows at all
Just wanna be free
Yet about to fall
Thousands of faces
All of them friends
None I can trust
Popularity wins
Can anyone see me?
Besides the pretty face
All on the inside
None of its grace
Stuck in the royal
No friends are loyal
Is it better to b here?
Or should I be normal?
So-called perfect boyfriend
Voted homecoming queen
Should I dare to be different?
There’s another guy I see
This guy is different
Isn't’t in-to much at all
Jocks think he’s stupid
Just cause he’s small
Little imperfections
Make him perfect to see
Just his crooked smile
Melts inside of me
Just to be alone with him
For even just a day
Seems to me the "perfect" way
To take the "pain" away.
But that is just a daydream
What would he see in me?
Just a popular snobbish girl
With a grade average of a D.
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Canary word: Present
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139,496 Literary Works • 672,584 Reviews
The first part was good, but the second part was the best. I loved it.
There was a real rhythm in these two lines.My favourite lines were
Also i loved
Like Éloeré, the poem was better because two perspectives were included. Overall excellent work!
Well you asked for my opinion, so I'll warn you right now I'm not a poetry person. So I really can't help much, but I'll try anyway.
Oh yes, and any opinions expressed by me will me my own without much influence on why I should be liking, if that makes sense. Basically poetry has never been my thing.
I liked how it went from one pespective to the other and neither the boy or the girl knew that they were both thinking along the same lines. But I actually only realised the second part was from a different pespective when I reached the end, so I went back over it. I liked that the style changed between each part too, and that the bot was talking to the girl, but the girl was just talking to herself.
Was the "don't't" thing done for a reason, with the double t? Or was that some sort of mistake? I wasn't sure.