Published March 21, 2006
Guy....
I messed up,
We both know its true,
I need you back,
It’s getting harder to breath,
and my face is turning blue.
I'll sit here in Agony,
And cry every night,
I need your love,
Or my life won't take flight.
I promise not to hurt you,
In my words exist no pun,
I love you,
Listen to me,
I'm saying you're the one
Girl...
I want to believe you
I deeply and truly do
It’s just that you hurt me
I really trusted you
You say that you are sorry
You promise not to hurt
Convince me that you love me
Instead of wanting what’s under my skirt
I think I'll give you one last chance
This time I hope you won’t be the same
All is forgiven for the moment
You couldn’t bring me anymore shame
Guy...
I've missed you baby,
I'll say it again and again,
Things have been crazy,
Be my candle,
And light to the darkness within me.
Today we kissed,
I'd been waiting for that moment,
For so long now,
I don't wanna mess things up,
I wouldn't know how.
Girl...
It’s been a few days
You haven’t even called
I guess that last kiss...
Meant nothing at all
I love you I want you
Would do anything today
Just hold me and love me
You’re pushing me away
I’m crying for I know
That moment wouldn’t last
I love you and hate you
I guess "you" is the past
Guy...
Now you’re getting to close
What's going on?
You're not the girl I chose,
Now it’s time for me to shine,
So take a step back,
I need space that's mine.
Oh my god, it was just a kiss,
You know what? Its over,
You’re being a little pris,
Getting on my nerves,
And I just can’t handle this.
I like your friend Ashley by the way,
I saw her the other night,
And then again today,
Maybe I should make a move for her.
I need my heart to shift another way.
Girl...
Why would you do this?
What did I do?
I thought that you loved me..
And I loved you..
I'm restless and waiting
Friday night is your date!?
I don’t want it to happen
But I guess its too late.
Guy...
We had fun the other night,
Couldn’t even watch the movie,
Gone a whole week without a fight,
I think she really care’s about me.
We went to a party the other day,
Can’t recall the drugs I used,
I swore I saw Ashley with another guy,
No, she wouldn’t do that.
I’m getting so confused.
I think I made a mistake,
Ashley hasn’t returned a call,
This pain I’ll have to take,
Along with another fall,
It’s my own life I’m starting to hate.
Girl...
Why are you telling me this
DO you still think I care?
We aren’t even friends
There’s nothing we share
You should hate yourself
for the lies and deceit
I hope she leaves you
It might make u think
What the hell is your problem
Stay away from me for good
GO with Ashley
Like you said you would.
Guy...
I tell you this because I care,
Maybe more than I should,
So let me love you,
Like I said I would.
I never wanted this to happen,
I don’t know why it did,
I’ve been playing stupid mind games,
Just like an 8th grade kid.
So I know I don’t deserve it
But let’s give us another try,
I can’t let you just walk away,
I think I’d rather die.
Girl...
Everyone warned me
I had to find out for myself
Why do you keep trying?
Im not a trophy for your shelf
I told you already
I would rather be alone,
Dont you get it?
your true feelings have already shown
Its too late
I'm not going to change
These are my feelings
no matter what u say
forget about me
its not hard to do
i mean you did it several times
remember ashley and you?
I don't want you to die
but just move on
you've acted like this
for way too long.
Guy...
Ok, I’ll move on,
But only cause you think I should,
I promise to try,
But it won’t do any good.
I wish I could lay these feelings to rest,
They leave me in the dark,
With pains in my chest,
Whats dying is my heart.
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^ it IS good, though. Not amazing, but good. And it's different to a lot of the poetry on here, too, which is interesting.
I know like i said before a lot of the rhymes are elementary, i really want to fix it.
There were a few bumpy spots...but I think those can be worked over. Some of the rhyme is just obviously put where it is just so it can rhyme, and that's not good. Rhyme should always seem to come naturally from the poem. Overall, though, a nice read.
Brian
I really liked this poem. It kinda tells a story. I agree with xanthan gum..that would be a good idea.
i just suggest you go through your writing and pick out where the writing seems forced, then fix it. i'm sure you can find it.
I liked this a lot. As i got into the poem, i could work out the girl and gut parts and didn't have to read it which part were the girl parts and which were the guy parts. The different perspectivees could be easily recognised which was really good.
I thought this was really well written, and i could really feel both characters. Great poem!
I can here ther critisism already. I worte this poem with a friend. It Switches perspective when ever it says 'Guy' or 'Girl'. So if it says 'Guy' above a stanza its from the the guys perspective. I know in some place the poem is kinda cheesy but the fun part was working on it. It was definitely interesting to write.