The Ghost

It's hard to live in a place where I am unnoticed,

Where for me there is no love,

No hope,

No acknowledgement.

I'm just there.

Gliding by silently,

While no one believes I am here.

Is it because they are too self-centered?

Maybe,  

But why me? 

Why am I the ghost? 

I did nothing wrong,  

I just came into existence.  

I am not hideous as a goblin,  

Ghastly as a ghoul,  

Or evil as a witch.

The worst part is,

I can’t make myself disappear.

To be able to disappear,

Someone will have to notice you leaving.

Was I pre-destined to be invisible?

Or did I force this ghostly fate upon myself?

*Writers Note: For some weird reason, when this poem is typed on here one sentence jumbles up together and the only way I can break it up is to double space. Sorry for the inconvience. Enjoy!

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Points: 890
Reviews: 7

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Wed Oct 24, 2007 9:29 pm

TheBluePoet says...

Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews and adivce!

As to the long sentence, I have no idea why it is like that.
When I view it on my computer, it's how I want to read it (there is suppose to be a break after each punctuation mark), but when I go on other computers however, that one sentence is definetly WAY too long. I've tried to edit on but it won't let me for some reason.

Also to the quotations, I never put any anywhere. Maybe it's my computer again but I intended this poem to have no quotations anywhere and I see none.

Points: 1040
Reviews: 34

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Wed Oct 24, 2007 8:35 pm

sezPez wrote a review...

A decent poem, if not a bit repetitive with the "I'll just disappear because nobody cares" sort of thing. One line did irk me quite a bit:

Maybe,  But why me? Why am I the ghost? I did nothing wrong, I just came into existence. I am not hideous as a goblin, Ghastly as a ghoul, Or evil as a witch.

I don't exactly know what you were intending, but too many ?s and not enough spaces.

Keep writing!

Points: 890
Reviews: 31

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Wed Oct 24, 2007 8:12 pm

Emily and the Oracle wrote a review...

This was a semi-good poem. Some things could be worked on, however.

1- Vocabulary. There are some pretty simple words here, none that interest me or pull me into the poem. Take some of the key words in the poem and use a thesaurus to get some other, more advanced words.

2- Correct sentences. I seem to be finding this a lot in poems here.

Where for me there is no love,

Okay, so this is correct. And it does seem correct because it flows with the poem. But, at least for me, it made me pause and reread it. Perhaps try "Where there is no love for me". Just mess around with sayings a bit until you find a good one.

Maybe,  But why me? Why am I the ghost? I did nothing wrong, I just came into existence. I am not hideous as a goblin, Ghastly as a ghoul, Or evil as a witch.

This sentence really annoyed me for several reasons.

1. ". ", ", " - What is this? You don't have two punctuation marks together unless it is a question mark and an exclamation mark (and usually not even then).

2. You don't have spaces after your punctuation. Always have spaces after periods, question marks, exclamation marks, and commas. It's the correct way to write. Period.

3. Sometimes you use one question mark, other times you use two. One is all that is needed.

4. Not only is this sentence far too long to go with the flow of poem, it is the only sentence that does not have a break after each punctuation, making the poem look awkward, and messy. As soon as you glance at the poem, before even reading it, you notice this, and it really repels readers.

That's all for now. I hope I helped <3;
Emily

Young Writers Society

The Ghost

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