Published November 19, 2011
This is an older poem of mine, that I found when I was flipping through my notebook the other day. I'd really love some criticism, tell me what you like, what you hate, even if you think it's mean (I can take it). I just really want to improve! 
You think, I’ll ponder
We’re not so young,
the world not so new.
They forgot about today
We won’t remember yesterday
I guess that leaves
tomorrow.
We all have the choice.
Challenge dawn,
wade through broken morals
Piece them back together.
No glue or rational bond
can cover personal faults
cracked memories, splintered
dreams, not me or you.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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140,375 Literary Works • 673,126 Reviews
Thanks, to both of you! I adore criticism. My friends always pull the lazy "Ohh, I like it!" move so they don't have to proofread or insult me, and my creative writing teacher is great, just not mean enough sometimes. (Not that you were mean!)
Hello there!!
First off, I'd like to welcome you to YWS. It's an amazing place full of wonderful writers, and I hope that you like it as much as I do! If there's anything you'd like to ask me about, feel free to PM me! And now, on to the poem.
Contrary to what DarknecrosisX said about this piece, I feel like the length of it is, actually, fine. Short poems can be incredible. However, I feel like that when you write pieces that are on the shorter side, you have to really buckle down and saturate it with as much vibrancy as possible.
This is my favorite part of the poem, and I'll tell you why. I feel like this is the part of the poem where you came closest to expressing the vibrancy I was talking about in the beginning of this review. The third line is my particular favorite, my favorite word being 'wade'; it's a very good verb and adds much to the meaning of your piece.
I agree with DarknecrosisX in that this piece doesn't exactly relate to the title of your poem. However, I know that some poets like to name their poems after things that aren't exactly relevant to what they're discussing. It's just their style, and perhaps it's yours too. Either way, I like this poem.
Nice work! I hope to see more from you in the future! Always keep writing! And remember, no matter what anybody else thinks about your writing, your opinion is the only one that matters, and you should stick to that.
-Rose
Nice piece of poetry, I like it
One nitpick:
As much as I loved the poem, I saw no connection towards the title, even in a metaphorical sense. Oh, and also, you didn't do enough! I came here to critique! I felt like being a total meanie this evening! >:(
Joking aside, this could've been longer, but overall a nice, short and sweet, piece of poetry. I hope to see something a bit more lengthy from you!
Happy Writings! DNX :J