Published January 17, 2012
Another poem part of my final project on stereotypes. (I promise I'll stop posting so much, haha.) Please, criticize away! I'd really appreciate it.
Unnoticeable.
Inconspicuous.
Invisible.
To my peers,
at least.
Teachers, they appreciate
me.
Worked handed in
on time,
quiet during
class.
Will put up with
whoever I?m forced
to work with.
My friends,
they read.
They research, they remember,
they invent, they think.
For them, it?s not
physical allure
over mental agility.
I never quite
understood
why cleverness
seems to be shunned,
looked down upon.
Unless you?re Bill Gates or Steve Jobs,
raking in the millions.
Beauty, glamour,
brawn, muscularity;
that fades with
age.
Still, no one ever
aims to be
that small kid,
always hidden
behind a gargantuan book.
Not intentionally.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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139,665 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
Now, while the transformation from apostrophe to question mark totally isn't your fault, it is a rather distracting thing for your readers to see. It's always a good idea to check after you submit a piece that all the formatting is correct, especially in a poem since formatting has a huge impact on how a poem is perceived.
So does mental acuity. It's a point worth considering, and there are other merits to cleverness that could have been explored that are a bit stronger (such as competency and self-sufficiency).
A lot of the other issues with this piece, I have already addressed in my reviews of your other poems. They're recurring issues, from what few poems of yours I've read, and they really do need to be addressed if you want to improve your poetry.
That said, the strongest aspect of this poem was the final three stanzas:
Here, you have a clear image, and although it's simple, it's effective because there's enough detail to make the image meaningful, especially with how the rest of the poem works to build up a specific meaning of otherwise-generic words like "small". If you could incorporate more clear images like this in your poems, they would be much stronger.