Published December 10, 2011
Take me back to the
land of pretend,
where Prince Charming
isn't a lie.
Where mermaids grow
legs, where people
don't age.
Where love never ends,
there are no pleading eyes.
Lies.
I thought I'd
found my way
back, but
what a dreamer;
wishful hallucinations.
Now the dreamer cries.
Their art, illegal.
Their easel smashed,
their brushes plucked
from their crippling
hands.
Their dreams;
locked away in their minds.
An inpenetrable
seal.
Not remembering
how they got there,
how they were
shunned.
Subconciously looking
for the key, that
person to break through
The prison of the
dreamer's mind,
and set free
the fragile,
aging dreams
Before extinction
snatches them.
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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
I absolutely LOVE the idea of your poem, however at some point, the main idea of the poem becomes a little confusing...
It starts off great but as it unravels and reaches an end, the poem seems to become a little off, comparing the beginning to the end.. But I again love your idea and I really think you should continue writing poems within this genre!!! Awesome job!
- Midnight
I like this poem alot, especially in the beginning when you talk about the fairytales. It starts off with a little recap and then goes into a new perspective. It really makes you think, too. Great piece of writing!
i think it needs more depth. like get a little more into the the emotional side, but other than that it is very good. i dont often like poetry but i really enjoyed reading this piece of literary work.
Hey Amazon! Dogs here with your review today! Excellent piece of poetry! I really love this kinda abstract topic about dreams because dreams can often be a really easy thing to write about and a really hard thing to write about. I love the idea of using dreams as an escape to paradise. I also really like this formatting for a poem. This format makes your poem sound really choppy but in this case the choppiness adds to your writing and the rhythm which is excellent!
However, this is a very good poem but there is still lots of room for improvement. Throughout this poem you use a lot of simple, everyday, and overused words that I read every day in so many other poems. You these same old and simple words over and over again which can lose the interest of the reader. I suggest that you increase your vocabulary, it would really help add more depth to your writing and make your poem flow and sound better. If you are having troubles doing this I suggest that you look up one of these simple words in a Thesauruses and use a better word form the list it provides. I do this in my poetry all the time and it really helps.
This is a good piece but it has potential to be a great piece. Keep up the good work!!!!
TuckEr EllsowrTh