Welcome to the Life and Days of Matrix Blade. A collection of stories and adventures of the young sorcerer named Matrix and her friends attending Misten Academy and there day to day battles while trying to keep the peace and find there respected places in the multiverse.
Chapter 1 Part 1
“Get ready for a fight like you’ve never seen, Sorcerer.” The crazy chick screamed.
“Bring it on Witch.” Maybe I shouldn’t edge her on… nah, more fun for me. A look of determination came over her and she jumped up into the air and shot straight at me. She toke in a breath and blew gold dust from her mouth. I just stud there. Some all-powerful witch, this is crap. I sighed and pulled out my own dust. Nice and neutral; perfect to freeze this junk in its tracks. Of course I could have just side stepped her attack it’s so slow. I saw this lesion my first day of defense class, wow.
The witch rekindled, “You’re stronger than others I’ve faced."
“I take it you’ve run into our little league team.” That pissed her off. She toke off after me with her little wand in hand muttering some incantation.
"Okay, I'm bored." I pulled out my silver dagger from my belt and starter my own spell.
“Nicro might in hand, cut into night’s plight and counter strike!”
I sliced an X into the air and kicked it forward. She didn't have a chance. She flew back ten feet and collapsed to the ground.
"This isn't over," she coughed out.
"Well I got to give you points for determination."
Matrix, please don't over due this. Not again.
Don't worry Sarz; I got this. Come own your worse than my mom.
Sarz is my spirit guardian. It is his job to keep me on track and out of trouble.
Sarz should be fired.
"Eat this," the witch blasts a ball of electricity at me. It hit me in the stomach and I dropped to the ground. Okay, that hurt. Professor Hadro was right: let your guard down for a second and get buzzed by a witch with an inferiority complex. I hope no one back at the academy hears about this.
"I can't believe you zap trapped me."
"Get over it sorcerscm." Oh, how I hate that name.
"Wait, time out," I called.
"You can't call time out!"
"Yes I can. Don't pop a blood vessel; this will only take a minute." I walked over to my schoolbag sitting on the ground. I reached inside and pulled out my orb. My orb is about three inches in diameter and electric blue. It’s made of glass and inside energy flies around like fireflies.
I love my orb.
"You are so going down witchy!" I threw my orb into the air and watched as my staff appeared. I caught the six foot stick in midair. With my orb on top, the silver staff of a sorcerer is deadly. Considering that the witch screamed when she saw it, I have a hunch that she knows that too.
I began the chant, "Niceo steale dark and light, caren strength and power strike!" I could feel the power pulsing in my hands. I cracked a smile and swiped my staff. That was that. The witch fell to the ground unconscious. I walked up to her and found the chain around her neck. I snapped off the pentagram and smashed it in my hand.
"Witch, as a sorcerer it is my charge to strip you of our powers. You will no longer terrorize the mortals of this or any other realm," I repeated the speech I've long since memorized. All in a day’s work for me.
Hi, I'm Matrix Blade. I attend Misten Academy and I am a sorcerer.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi there.
For your first chapter I think this really is interesting. So as I was reading along I picked up somethings I'd like you to see.
First Your main charecters thoughts seemed to get mixed up with the story so I was a bit confused. You may want to let readers know that it's a thought by either stating that in the paragraphing (but I don't think it would go well here) or by using italics. Unless it wasn't a thought. In that case the parts where the main character is actually telling the story brings me to my second point
Tenses. You might want to go back and make your tenses stable so that they don't switch from past to present like in this case.
"I can't believe you zap trapped me."
"Get over it sorcerscm." Oh, how I hate that name.
"Wait, time out," I called.
I assumed it wasn't the main characters thought as you can see thats the point about tenses I'm trying to get across.
There were also some spelling mistakes I found. You may want to look back into your work and edit it.
I think you could have written the fight scene better so that you can hook readers. Maybe put something totally un expected. The attacks used could have been made more interesting and you could explain it better too. It's just that the attacks you used are kind of what I normally see in stuff so creating another new unheard of attack would make things unteresting as long as you describe it properly. I think you could have written the chapter better althpugh its good now too.
Well not much information was given about the main character but I at least know a bit about them and their name. I'm not too sure about the gender though.
I'm not too sure about the setting of the story either. Is it the past present or future times. Where us the fight scene?
overall I liked where your story is going so far, but I guess it needs tweaking. You can write the chapter loger too if you like.
I hope my review helped.
-zo