Published July 5, 2008
You know, I think I've heard something like this before. I dunno, but I think I memorized it from
somewhere and then wrote it randomly. Tell me if you've heard it before.
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If I am the sky,
and the sky is in me,
and
If I am the earth,
and the earth is in me,
Wherever will I be?
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It sounds similar to something...I just can't think of WHAT.
But I have to agree with the poster above me; the meaning doesn't necessarily be obvious, but I think small poems sometimes lack that real OOMPH that bigger ones carry often through buildups and whatnot...
It's almost too simple, to be honest. It's a great piece, just a bit too simplistic for its own good. See if you can expand a bit and it should be better.
I'm not entirely sure how to critique this.
I can enjoy a short poem. Heck, Emily Dickinson fit in a ton of meaning in her poem "Fame is a Bee" with only four short lines, but I'm not entirely sure I like this.
If you really want to have success with a really short poem, in my opinion, you need to have a powerful, slightly mysterious message. While I did have to think about this for a minute or two, considering this a contemplative poem, I think you hit it on that mark. There's something about this that just makes me feel... empty inside. It lacks an impact, and unfortunately, I'm at a complete loss as to how you could fix it.
I'm sorry, this review is probably little to no help, but that's all I have to say.