I wrote this poem when one of my best friends had to move to another country. I remember how the paper I had written it on was soaked in tears and how the ink was all smudged. Please enjoy and give feedback!!
____
To me,
friendship is like a vast tree.
Whilst you are the trunk,
best friends make up for the branches,
and people you meet throughout the long path of life
are the leaves.
These often fall and are awooshed far away,
although others grow back.
However, the branches are permanently there;
always sticking with the trunk.
When you left,
it was as if one of the branches had fallen.
You were the largest branch,
the one that was suppose to everlast.
Now my tree is raw open and hurt, and it will be long before it heals.
I pray that it will, soon.
Tessia T.
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Hi Tessia.
I have a few suggestions here...
The italicized part is....eck. I don't know how to tell you to change that though...just try a reword of some kind. I'm also not sure about "However" in the second to last line....but I can't really find a way to make it sounds okay.
Again the italicized part is awkward...I'd consider just ditching it?
All in all, I like the idea but I think it needs a little work. The main issue is the contradiction: the branches are permanent, yet one came off..? Maybe say one broke or was bent or something instead.
Happy Editing!
Your metaphor of friendship as a tree is very true. Sad your friend left
The poem itself was well written; however, it seems to be in like a prose-type tone, like a letter. I'm not saying it didn't work out good if that was what you were intending, though.