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The Years of the Morning Light (Prelude)

by TerrisCaelo


PRELUDE TO

THE YEARS OF THE MORNING LIGHT



‘Grand Prince Nevin, the nineteenth of this name, of The Morning Light, with Martial Excellence, Sagacious Wisdom, and Forward Insight, whose given name was Akra at birth, the third son of his mother Kamaria, and his father the Grand Prince Nevin the eighteenth, of the honorable Clan Nevin, descendants of the Emperors of Old, hereby decreed;



On the eighteenth day of the third month of his ascension year (1st Morning Light), the Grand Principality of Navsland will ascend into the world stage and join the nations of the four-cornered world (Eras), for the advancement and the betterment of his subjects.

On this fateful day, he joins his fellow princes in a show of camaraderie- ‘



‘That’s enough about the day don’t you think? No point in wasting more ink on this drivel that no one is gonna read.’



Jina paused in her writing and felt her train of thought disturbed. She looks up in annoyance at the source of her distraction and sighed.



‘The point of writing in detail is for the later generations to remember and to consult in times of need. Do not forget that our teacher once said- ‘



‘That to peak into the future, one need only a glimpse into the past. I know, I know... ’ interrupts Chiku. Rolling her eyes, she continued collecting the parchment strewed over the floor. ‘But what’s there to write about a bunch of old men agreeing to announce themselves to the world? It's frivolous at best, and there is nothing about it to be consulted about.’



‘That is not for us to decide. For all we know, today might just be the start of a new beginning.’ Jina said. Though I guess she’s got a point. This is just another one of those games the nobility love to play. No one is going to read this.



Jina places her quill back into her inkwell. She blew on her parchment lightly and when she was satisfied with how the ink has dried, she rolled it gently and passed it to Chiku. She rubbed her weary eyes and looked out of the window. The stars that blanket the skies seem to stretch to infinity; a beautiful sight to behold in the otherwise gloomy capital.



What a peaceful night, she thought. She squinted her eyes as a gentle breeze blew past her, the candle flame of her table lamp danced to the hymns of the wind.



‘How I wish we have one of those computers.’ Chiku said. ‘I heard with just one of those things, we can keep a million of these parchments. Wouldn’t that make our lives so much easier?’



‘And what use would there be for us then? If what you say is true, then wouldn’t all of us be slowly replaced by this, computer?’ Jina scoffed. It took her years of apprenticeship to get to where she is today, a scribe of the Elewisa. If this, computer, could write and store everything here in the Elewisa, then for what purpose did she slaved away under her teacher’s endless scolding and supervision?



She pondered awhile at the subject and shake her head. I guess it really wouldn’t matter to me. After all, it will probably take another decade before the princes would allow something as ‘magical’ as a computer to be used by the rest of us.



‘Hey if you are about done, let's go back and get some dinner already! I’m starving.’ Chiku pats her stomach. ‘It’s already half past the fourth quarter, and if we don’t hurry, we'll have to sleep with our stomach empty for the night.’



Jina smiled. She had known Chiku ever since their apprenticeship together. Being younger than Jina, she had an almost childlike outlook on life, and she is a glutton to boot. But as gluttonous as she was, Chiku had always waited for her to have their meals together. I wonder why she still looks so small, Jina thought, surely all that food has to go somewhere, right? She looks down at her own stomach and noticed a small protruding figure from her robe. A tinge of jealousy slowly well up inside her, but she pushed it down as soon as it began.



‘Yeah, let’s go!’

Even though it has been hours since the sun has set, Jina could still see the many candlelight flickering through the curtains of the rooms she walked past. Each candlelight means a pair of Lesser Scribes working on their tale, their passion for their craft could be heard from the pride in their voice as they discussed the various subjects to cover for the day. She could not help but smile at the sight of her fellow scribes at work; her belief that her efforts were worth it, firmly reinforced.



Ahhhhh. Now that was satisfying’ Chiku said. She let out a small burp as she pats herself on her stomach.



‘Too bad they have already run out of Pao. We could have sneak them out and eat them for supper.’ Jina said. She licked her lips at the thought of savoring the Pao she had a couple of nights ago. A pity indeed.



‘We can always have them next time! And besides, it was your fault that we had our dinner late...’ Chiku pouted. ‘Tomorrow, we’re going my time!’



Jina giggled and pinched Chiku’s cheek playfully. ‘Okay, okay. Now let’s hurry back and get back to work.’



‘Nooooo…’ Chiku brushed Jina’s hands from her cheek and ran. ‘I don’t wanna go back to work.’



Jina smiled and chased after Chiku. Their laughter echo throughout the candlelit hallway and attracted onlookers who peered through the curtains of their room. Their merrymaking brought a smile on the faces of their fellow scribes and a slight frown on the faces of their betters. They tugged at each other sleeves and let out small cries of joy when they caught each other by the arm. As they frolic about, unaware of their surroundings, a hunched figure crept out of the corner of the hallway. Chiku who was running at full speed did not notice the figure coming out of the corner and ran straight into it, falling on the ground with a loud thud.



'Oww...' She cried. Jina who was chasing after her came up to her from behind and lifted her by the arm. She readied herself for a scolding and was about to apologize when she stopped; Her blood ran cold at the sight of the figure whom she had just recognize.



'Prince Atatu...' Chiku gasped. She too had just realized the gravity of the situation and hurriedly ran to lift the fallen prince off the ground.



'Do not touch anything!' he screamed. The two scribes then prostrate themselves as low as they could, their heads touching the floor in a show of reverence and fear. The prince slowly dusted himself off, not uttering a single word. He checks the box that had fallen on the ground and its content, breathing a sigh of relief with what he had seen. He then carried the box in his arms once more and stood before the two scribes.



'Your ranks and names?' asked the prince.



'Lower scribe of the elewisa, third grade, Jina!'

'Lower scribe of the elewisa, third grade, Chiku!'



'Your servants are at your service!' they shouted in unison.



'I have remembered your ranks and names, and if you any inkling of what had happened you will forget about it.' the prince said with an indistinguishable tone. 'This incident did not happen.' he then hurriedly left the two scribes and continued on his way.

Jina and Chiku remained in their position until the sound of his footsteps could no longer be heard before lifting their heads. They look at each other with their tear-stained faces and breathed a great sigh of relief. Jina help Chiku get off the ground and was about to give her some words of comfort before a thunderous boom came from the direction of the Princely Palace. Jina shook away the aftereffects of the shockwave and ran towards the closest window she could find. Black smoke now covers the skies of the capital, and deep down in her heart, she knew that a storm was coming.


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Tue Sep 14, 2021 4:42 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here for a quick review!!

First Impression: Alright...so..this was a fun little piece...just two friends having fun and...it looks to be mostly a introductory thing to these characters..and then we end off with a bang..literally and figuratively....which is my favorite kind of ending...so..umm..solid start here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

‘Grand Prince Nevin, the nineteenth of this name, of The Morning Light, with Martial Excellence, Sagacious Wisdom, and Forward Insight, whose given name was Akra at birth, the third son of his mother Kamaria, and his father the Grand Prince Nevin the eighteenth, of the honorable Clan Nevin, descendants of the Emperors of Old, hereby decreed;

On the eighteenth day of the third month of his ascension year (1st Morning Light), the Grand Principality of Navsland will ascend into the world stage and join the nations of the four-cornered world (Eras), for the advancement and the betterment of his subjects.

On this fateful day, he joins his fellow princes in a show of camaraderie- ‘

‘That’s enough about the day don’t you think? No point in wasting more ink on this drivel that no one is gonna read.’


Ahahaha....I love this start here...it comes off sounding like we're about to get some very epic announcement about this prince fellow and something that he's about and it turns out its not quite so epic and important as it sounds...always love to see starts like this one...it definitely gets your attention here as a reader.

Jina paused in her writing and felt her train of thought disturbed. She looks up in annoyance at the source of her distraction and sighed.

‘The point of writing in detail is for the later generations to remember and to consult in times of need. Do not forget that our teacher once said- ‘

‘That to peak into the future, one need only a glimpse into the past. I know, I know... ’ interrupts Chiku. Rolling her eyes, she continued collecting the parchment strewed over the floor. ‘But what’s there to write about a bunch of old men agreeing to announce themselves to the world? It's frivolous at best, and there is nothing about it to be consulted about.’


Hmm...oooh, right away we're getting a sense that we've got two good friends or siblings perhaps talking here....and I like how you've easily established that these two are people that tend to hang out a lot. Also..hmm..that's a lovely quote there from the teacher. Hmm..also the dumbed down version of what's going on in that first few paragraphs is rather funny to read.

‘That is not for us to decide. For all we know, today might just be the start of a new beginning.’ Jina said. Though I guess she’s got a point. This is just another one of those games the nobility love to play. No one is going to read this.

Jina places her quill back into her inkwell. She blew on her parchment lightly and when she was satisfied with how the ink has dried, she rolled it gently and passed it to Chiku. She rubbed her weary eyes and looked out of the window. The stars that blanket the skies seem to stretch to infinity; a beautiful sight to behold in the otherwise gloomy capital.

What a peaceful night, she thought. She squinted her eyes as a gentle breeze blew past her, the candle flame of her table lamp danced to the hymns of the wind.

‘How I wish we have one of those computers.’ Chiku said. ‘I heard with just one of those things, we can keep a million of these parchments. Wouldn’t that make our lives so much easier?’

‘And what use would there be for us then? If what you say is true, then wouldn’t all of us be slowly replaced by this, computer?’ Jina scoffed. It took her years of apprenticeship to get to where she is today, a scribe of the Elewisa. If this, computer, could write and store everything here in the Elewisa, then for what purpose did she slaved away under her teacher’s endless scolding and supervision?


Oooh...now this puts us in some very interesting territory there...it looks like this is a land that's kind of set in the past with the whole scribe thing and the grand announcements of nobility...but then there's a mention of computers and how they threaten to taken over their jobs...hmm...well...as funny as it is to see how computers are described by these folks that view them as this strange and magical new invention...it does make you wonder what kind of world this is set in here.

She pondered awhile at the subject and shake her head. I guess it really wouldn’t matter to me. After all, it will probably take another decade before the princes would allow something as ‘magical’ as a computer to be used by the rest of us.

‘Hey if you are about done, let's go back and get some dinner already! I’m starving.’ Chiku pats her stomach. ‘It’s already half past the fourth quarter, and if we don’t hurry, we'll have to sleep with our stomach empty for the night.’

Jina smiled. She had known Chiku ever since their apprenticeship together. Being younger than Jina, she had an almost childlike outlook on life, and she is a glutton to boot. But as gluttonous as she was, Chiku had always waited for her to have their meals together. I wonder why she still looks so small, Jina thought, surely all that food has to go somewhere, right? She looks down at her own stomach and noticed a small protruding figure from her robe. A tinge of jealousy slowly well up inside her, but she pushed it down as soon as it began.


Hmm...alright, not too shabby of a way to reveal the history between the two of them...and those last couple of lines just a lovely touch the personalities here and that is awesome to run into here.

‘Yeah, let’s go!’

Even though it has been hours since the sun has set, Jina could still see the many candlelight flickering through the curtains of the rooms she walked past. Each candlelight means a pair of Lesser Scribes working on their tale, their passion for their craft could be heard from the pride in their voice as they discussed the various subjects to cover for the day. She could not help but smile at the sight of her fellow scribes at work; her belief that her efforts were worth it, firmly reinforced.

‘Ahhhhh. Now that was satisfying’ Chiku said. She let out a small burp as she pats herself on her stomach.


Okay...bit of a sudden transition there...cause all of these paragraphs are separated by like two spaces..this one looks the same and its a bit jarring for the reader to see that there's been a bit of a timeskip. And also umm...we've gotten quite far by this point with barely any description. For the very first part of a novel like this, you want to try and set the stage a little bit more than what we've got here, cause at this point we've got a vague idea of two people chatting and writing in this dark void lit by candlelight, and that's all we know.

‘Too bad they have already run out of Pao. We could have sneak them out and eat them for supper.’ Jina said. She licked her lips at the thought of savoring the Pao she had a couple of nights ago. A pity indeed.

‘We can always have them next time! And besides, it was your fault that we had our dinner late...’ Chiku pouted. ‘Tomorrow, we’re going my time!’

Jina giggled and pinched Chiku’s cheek playfully. ‘Okay, okay. Now let’s hurry back and get back to work.’

‘Nooooo…’ Chiku brushed Jina’s hands from her cheek and ran. ‘I don’t wanna go back to work.’

Jina smiled and chased after Chiku. Their laughter echo throughout the candlelit hallway and attracted onlookers who peered through the curtains of their room. Their merrymaking brought a smile on the faces of their fellow scribes and a slight frown on the faces of their betters. They tugged at each other sleeves and let out small cries of joy when they caught each other by the arm. As they frolic about, unaware of their surroundings, a hunched figure crept out of the corner of the hallway. Chiku who was running at full speed did not notice the figure coming out of the corner and ran straight into it, falling on the ground with a loud thud.


Aaand we have a bit of a pacing issue here. First of all love that dialogue, its very fun banter right there, you get to know a lot about the kind of relationship the two of them share through pieces like that one...buuut also...it just suddenly goes from a super focused slower paced line by line rendition of these two to fading out to a very narratory perspective which speeds up and skips past a decent chunk of time..the flow just goes out the window for a bit there....you've gotta make this part connect better to the next one...it almost seems like you wrote the conversation and then you wanted them to do some more running around before bumping into this person, but you just didn't know what to write to show the running around part clearly...it either just needs to be cut out and things have to go right to the bumping, or it needs a bit more detail inserted in there.

'Oww...' She cried. Jina who was chasing after her came up to her from behind and lifted her by the arm. She readied herself for a scolding and was about to apologize when she stopped; Her blood ran cold at the sight of the figure whom she had just recognize.

'Prince Atatu...' Chiku gasped. She too had just realized the gravity of the situation and hurriedly ran to lift the fallen prince off the ground.

'Do not touch anything!' he screamed. The two scribes then prostrate themselves as low as they could, their heads touching the floor in a show of reverence and fear. The prince slowly dusted himself off, not uttering a single word. He checks the box that had fallen on the ground and its content, breathing a sigh of relief with what he had seen. He then carried the box in his arms once more and stood before the two scribes.


Okay...well clearly not the sort of prince that's meant to be likeable...so..this is a story with the not so friendly and not so nice royals...hmm, well I've hundreds of those...hopefully this guy isn't going to be totally unfair on top of being super rude.

'Your ranks and names?' asked the prince.

'Lower scribe of the elewisa, third grade, Jina!'

'Lower scribe of the elewisa, third grade, Chiku!'

'Your servants are at your service!' they shouted in unison.

'I have remembered your ranks and names, and if you any inkling of what had happened you will forget about it.' the prince said with an indistinguishable tone. 'This incident did not happen.' he then hurriedly left the two scribes and continued on his way.

Hmm..okay not totally unfair..so..that's good...the prince might have some hope after all...

Jina and Chiku remained in their position until the sound of his footsteps could no longer be heard before lifting their heads. They look at each other with their tear-stained faces and breathed a great sigh of relief. Jina help Chiku get off the ground and was about to give her some words of comfort before a thunderous boom came from the direction of the Princely Palace. Jina shook away the aftereffects of the shockwave and ran towards the closest window she could find. Black smoke now covers the skies of the capital, and deep down in her heart, she knew that a storm was coming.


NOt sure how they manage to connect an explosion to a storm of all things..but...cool ending there...definitely makes us as the readers want to find out more about what went on there...great little cliffhanger.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this is looking like a really solid piece here...I like where this appears to be going...love the ending, definitely makes you want to come back and read more and a pretty likeable pair of characters and that one slightly rude prince. Good s

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun Sep 12, 2021 4:31 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I wonder what will happen with Jina and Chiku.This is an exciting story and I can't wait for it to continue! My favorite part was when they accidentally bumped into the Prince.How the Prince reacted shows what royalty thinks of them and it gives a better idea on the story.I'm also excited to see what will become of the other characters in the story.Overall,I'm excited to see what happens next.Good Job on the story so far and have a Wonderful Day!





Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
— Homer Simpson