So, I suck at rhyming. But I love poetry. That is why I write prose poetry.
It's my first time writing prose poetry in English.
I hope you like it. If you could review it, It would be really helpful.
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I don't want to fall in love,
Because if I do,
I'm afraid I'll fall too deep in.
Love terrifies me.
What if I fall in love?
I can't imagine myself
holding somebody else's hand.
I just cannot.
I can write it,
But I can't live it.
There is no way
I'll depend on someone else's love.
Imagine that I fell in love with someone,
And he left and never came back.
My heart would be destroyed,
And my trust would be too.
Imagine that I fell in love,
Imagine that I gave someone my heart,
Imagine me saying I love you.
I can't.
I'm too scared.
Love is too fragile at first,
And I'm afraid that I'll break a hole through it.
I enjoy my own company,
And my words are the ones that make me feel the happiest.
I will not fall in love
Until I'm completely ready.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
Most would find this poem "choppy", or "basic", but your simplistic style makes each point stand out profoundly, and pack exponential meaning, as if each stanza contained thousands of smaller poems within. The composition, the idea for your work is also a brilliant remaster of something old and worn, love.
I can tell this came from the heart, and this what you actually feel and believe, and by the off chance I'm wrong, still a fantastic job. I'd love to see more.
Hey, Teresa!
So keep that chin up!
First off, like Kamas above me said, don't hold yourself in such disregard of your work. Whether it's good or bad, we are all here to learn after all
I really do appreciate the sentiments in this piece and I'm glad you've managed to portray the persona's uncertainties in such a frank and almost brutally honest way. Love is a very delicate subject and everyone's opinion differs at different points in their life. So this poem does hold good in its essence.
I do like how you've ended the poem with that last line though. It might sound a little off to some, but I think that the last line gave some hope in the persona that he/she (I would say it's a 'she', lol) would be ready to fall in love only when she is ready. I then get to feel happy for the persona that she is opening herself to the concept even though not fully embracing it. That way, I get a personally connect with the persona.
However, that particular line could fully diminish the meaning of the poem since the persona is always saying that she cannot accept love and that she could never see herself in that type of situation. So it might confuse the reader as to the true meaning of the poem. Maybe if you could emphasize on that last line a little more by adding a couple off extra lines to it, the poem might make a little more sense. But if you think it's okay the way it is, then that's how it shall be
All in all, this is a great effort in poetry and your unique style brings in a certain kind of novelty to it. I like that about this poem. You've got great potential and I can see you writing many more wonderful poems such as this and even some rhyming poems as well! I'm looking forward to reading more from you. Keep the ink flowing!
Murtuza
Hey Teresa,
Before I even read the poem, let me say:
If you suck at poetry, why post it? Self-deprecation does you no good and will not make me sympathize with your poem anymore then without this message at the beginning. Let your poem stand on it's own.
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That aside. As potentially sweet this could be, it fails to grasp the idea of poetry. It is simply a thought divided by intentionally artsy line breaks. Poetry requires more then a list of feelings, it needs a little delicacy, a little explanation, and imagery. It's not a journal or diary entry. It's a collection of images to achieve some sense of place and time and feeling, not a list of words to rant about something on your mind. Of course, poetry can serve as a way of alleviating weights on your chest but it must be done with grace and subtle-ness rather then a bash headbutt to enforce your point.
For example:
This honestly does nothing for me, what am I supposed to take out of this besides what you're telling me. You're not showing me any of those sentiments so I can associate with you or understand how you feel, I'm expected to trust your words unfiltered and unsorted.
And also, very important. Watch your flow. I want to be able to read this smoothly. As naturally as possible. And it's your job to ensure that happens. By cutting randomly, it's like putting a brick wall at the end of your sentence. Be aware of enjambment and how to utilize punctuation to make that flow.
Spoiler
Read it aloud to yourself, where do you naturally take a breath? For the moment, that's probably the best place to cut it up. And then when you're done, read it over to see how well it reads. It's honestly the best way to get a hang of flow and enjambment until it's second nature.
Best of luck,
Kamas
Thanks DarknecrosisX and Phoenix23 for your reviews!
Hello!
This is a good poem. Even if you didn't use rhymes, the poem had a certain flow to it that I liked. The theme here is really good. Love hurts a lot, and you have described the apprehensions and the insecurities that come with love in an effective manner. The ending was a bit off though, it could have ended in a more effective manner. Overall it was a good read.
Keep writing and best wishes
Wow, nice use of repetition. Very interesting.
I liked how you used plenty of personification, and the the repetition of how 'you dont want to fall in love' and how you refer to love being fragile.
Maybe next time you could use similies, but more effectively, metaphors. You've got the hang of personification though. Thats for sure! Well done, keep up the good work!