Published January 12, 2009
uhm, so I was feeling a little contemplative, and got a jolt of a little something called inspiration mixed with confused insanity. I guess I decided that I'd try and write down my thoughts. While I myself barely understand what I'm talking about, I'm interested to know what you think of my poem. Hope you like it
What lies beneath the surface
When the rain starts to kiss
The contours of your face
When you remember what you miss
What Lies Beneath the tears
When your face has lost its glow
When the world has lost its flow
And all seems out of shape
What lies beneath the earth
When your standing under the arch
In the shadowy dearth
Containing light and dark
What Lies beneath the truth
When the lies become your fault
And the loneliness that grew
Becomes the lies that you knew
What lies beneath
When the lies beneath the surface
Surface through your tears
And water the earth that grows the truth
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140,552 Literary Works • 673,424 Reviews
This was great
I like how the poem flowed, but I think the third stanza was the most awkward for some reason. Probably because all the other ones were four lines, and this one just three, which broke up the structure. Great, vivid use of language. I definitely loved the first stanza, after it I couldn't stop reading. Oh and finally you were right, it makes not much sense, but in my reason it adds for its charm in some weird way.
-Amniel, the ever rambling madman
i really like this peom, it has good meaning, and good questions, that i do think that everyone, somewhere in there hearts want to know the answers too, even though most of us neve will. however i must say that it lacks any hint of punctuation and i really think that even in poetry it is critical to use punctuation. it will help it flow.
i also must say that since all of your other stanzas are 4 lines, this stanza is kind of a rock in the river, its keeping the rest from flowing in the beautiful way that it normally would
my suggestion would be something like:
What lies beneath the earth,
when you are standing underneath
the everlasting arch
of both light and dark
it just stops the flow. but besides that, this poem is increadible and i give you much credit for it
Great Poem