Young Writers Society

Why would I ever consider how you feel?

Hello, Technolicious (what a name)! Strange here and I have a review for you!
This was a surprisingly short poem that relied on being super effective. Sadly, it wasn't strong. Well, it was strong, but not strong enough. Short poems are a hard thing to pull off, because you have to make sure it packs a punch. This, though it has a great message that attempts to drive its fists down the sands of heartbreak, fell just short.
First of all, it floats around the recurring theme about romance and heartbreak. Thing is, this is a very overused category/genre. It's all about "LISTEN TO HOW I FEEL, DARN IT!", commonly retreaded. This does it. It does it with different words, though. You add a subtle twist to this whole genre. It feels a lot more intimate. Intimacy is key when it comes to romance poems.
If it was slightly bigger, just by five words, for whatever reason, it would have been way better. Seven words isn't enough in a society where we crave more material. Good job, doing what others surprisingly don't often do.

Stay groovy, amigo

I feel you through this poem and it totally relates to me!Thanks for telling me that there is someone else out there who feels like me!

Hey there Technolicious! Wolf here for a quick review.

This piece was short and sweet. I really like that in a poem. I find that far to often poets get so wrapped up in beautiful description that they use so much and make the poem so long that it is hard to really remember what on earth the poem is about. So great job on that. I struggle with keeping my poems short and am always impressed when I see someone do it so well.


But I'm not entirely sure if this is a poem... I've always found that what is and what isn't a poem to be rather confusing (right now I really shouldn't be judging because I just recently submitted a poem that was two words, but it was more just to make my friends laugh then anything else).
This piece is just one sentence, all put on one line. Poetry is a form of art and that isn't really coming across with this poem.
This could be fixed by using some sort of poetic tool. The easiest would be to simply add a line break or two. Where you put the line breaks will change the flow whenever it is read, and in turn give it a more rhythmic and poetic feel. For example..

Did you even
consider
how I feel?

or

Did you
even consider
how I feel?

I added two line breaks into your poem and when you compare my two examples they both feel very different. They're the exact same except for the placement of one word. And if your reader reads a lot of poetry then they can unlock even bigger differences (for example in the second one ending the first line on "you" made it sound more accusatory, but in the first one having "consider" by itself made it sound more like genuine curiosity.)
It is also possible to do it with just one line break..

Did you even consider
how I feel?

or

Did you even
consider how I feel?

In that example I feel that the shorter line is the one that draws more attention. That slightly changes the mood of the piece.

With how you have it formatted it means exactly what it says and that's it. But if you played with the formatting you could add some undertones that would make it a more enjoyable read.

If you like it all on one line then that could potentially work too. There are many other poetic devices that could be used. I would recommend looking at the things covered in section 2 of this tutorial...
Kiss My Assonance - 5 ways to improve your poetry


Okay, with all the feel/flow/rhythm stuff out of the way let's talk about content. I think you made a very good choice in this department. You find a lot of poetry about love and hate and anger and all that jazz. With the abundance of poetry and those topics you find a lot of readers who don't like poems on that anymore because it is cliche. The truth is they it's not that they don't like poems on those topics, it's that they don't like the fact that usually common topics are written about in the same manner each time.
I would say that this poem falls into that same category of love/anger stuff. But you present it in such a subtle way that I didn't realize it at first. I think that this was amazing. Excellent job on that. I hope one day I can present beautiful ideas as gently as you did here.


I do have an odd feeling about your title choice. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it. It actually describes your poem really well without giving anything away (which is important for a short poem). But your poem has this bitter-sweet feel to it, and the title is more like what you'd expect for a humorous poem. I don't know what would make a good title for this piece, but I thought it was something worth mentioning.


Overall I thought this was a very good piece. It does need a little work, but I think it will be surprisingly easy to bring it to perfection. Great job, keep writing!

One line poem? I guess that could work............. But you have a good point with it. Not much for me to review, though, so I guess this will stay as a comment.