The air bit at my face. I tugged on my jacket. I could barely see, the violent wind whipping my curly brown locks into my face; covering my gray eyes that matched most of the people in The Seam.
Arranged in order by age; District Twelve stood in the freezing wind, frail and anxious to hear who would participate in The Hunger Games.
President Snow stood up on the stage behind his podium, lecturing us with his speech. Acasionally , he glanced at the papers on the podium.
After he was finished, a spunky, perky women stepped up to the stage. She flashed a smile, showing off her pearly white teeth.
" Well, ladies first! " she called into her headset. She glanced at the slip with the name of the girl that would participate in the 50th Hunger Games. The Hunger Games was a jarring, violent, fight to the death broadcasted on every televison in the ruined continent of Panem.
She waited for minutes, creating suspense within the stressed crowd of worried people and families from District Twelve.
" Maysilee Donner, " the women finally announced. I searched the crowd for Maysilee. My eyes set on a dark haired women who threw her arms around a young blonde lady. The blonde must have been Maysilee. She bravely took her place on stage.
" And for the male tribute..." The women pulled another slip out of the pool of names. She dragged her announcment out for what seemed like forever but was only a few minutes.
Finally, she opened her mouth and looked at the crowd. " Haymitch Albernathy!"
My heart dropped and my mother and a few others burst into tears, obviosly not trying to hide their grief. It was one of those moments when time lapses, everything is in slow motion it seems but all happened so fast. I took a deep breath and tromped onto the stage.
President Snow's visious snake-like eyes followed me, examining me from head to toe. He smirked as I was led off the stage to almost certain death.
End of chapter
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140,191 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay, I don't think I've ever personally read something from this particular fandom before...and it is pretty interesting. I'm not too terribly sure I remember this scene exactly, but I feel like the president didn't show up in the individual districts, but I think you're capturing the general sort of apprehension in the air at a moment like this quite well here.
A very simple bit of tension being built there, but I think you handle it well. The sudden description of the games themselves were a bit too sudden there. Its not nearly clear enough for us to understand what it is and just how we need to be feeling at the moment, you should either remove that entirely from there and put it somewhere where you can flesh it out more or just remove it altogether.
That last moment is captured rather well there I think, you really show this person's life sort of flash before their eyes a little. It maybe a little quicker than I would've liked, but for the very start of a chapter, it doesn't do a half bad job there. Not a bad way to kick off a story like this.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Didn't the second quell have twice the number of tributes? I think the first one was the one where they voted on which kids to send.
Woah I wrote this a long time ago, I've forgotten about it. ^__^ Thanks for the review!!
I love the hunger games and I'm so glad I found a fan-fiction about it! It's really great so far and I love the idea of Haymitch's games. It was a bit short so maybe you could add a little more detail? For example when Haymitch gets reaped you can add even more of Haymitch's feelings. Or when Maysilee gets choosen. You can say how Haymitch feels about her. Maybe he recognizes her from somewhere or he thinks she's pretty or something like that. It's really great though! Keep up the good work!
Hey Teardrop, CaptianRandom here.
I liked this! You were very descriptive, explaining the pain they were going through, what was going through there mind. I have read the hunger games and this was very well done! Keep up the good work! One thing though, why was President snow up on the podium instead of the major of district 12?
-CaptianRandom
I'm going to post the next chapter next week or sometime in November... probobly. I have it written it just needs edited.
Awesome, thanks!
Why hello there my dear; I am Warrior Princess the Mockingjay, and I will be reviewing this lovely tidbit of fanfiction today!
(The parts in bold print are my corrections and/or comments.
To begin with, I love the idea you have going here: to tell Haymitch's story. He's one of the most complicated and interesting characters in the Hunger Games trilogy, and I always kind of wondered what things were like for him during his time in the Games. I hope you continue with this story. Now, on to the nitpicks!
Well, after all that, you probably think I hated it, when actually the opposite is true. I liked it quite a lot, and I can't wait to read more! *follows*
Thanks, and yeah I know it's short. I'm working on extending it!
Hey cool idea! I liked the context you put this in. I think you started off a bit abrupt. This is ok if you go back later in the story but maybe you should start from the point Haymitch wakes up? Also this seems a bit short. Other than that good work!
Thanks, and yeah Haymitch is their mentor.
Oooo, nice! I like the Hunger Games a lot and this is really good! If I'm not mistaken, Haymitch is the mentor for Katniss and Peeta right? I've never really heard of fan fiction before, but this seemed really good. You followed all the story line points and really didn't change anything. All in all, this was rather excellent! Keep up the good work!