Published March 10, 2011
Hey kids! Been a while since I've posted anything. This is a product of my beginning poetry workshop class, and it's one of my favourites so far. I'm looking to make revisions as part of my capstone portfolio for the end of the semester. Have at it!
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On Metamorphosis
Let’s get one thing straight:
I am not a social butterfly.
I do not just spread my wings and go—
I inch along, a little caterpillar,
inch inch inch
and you, you must be patient
and wait
until I, slowly inching insect
that I am,
inch inch inch my way
into my translucent chrysalis.
I take time to spread my wings and fly.
Will you still be there when I do?
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Let’s get one thing straight:
I am not a social butterfly. Psh obviously you're on YWS! ... just kidding. <3
I do not just spread my wings and go—
I inch along, a little caterpillar,
inch inch inch Depending on how you want it read, you need to add a comma after the first inch, or at the end of the line
and you, you must be patientcomma
and wait
until I, slowly inching insect
that I am,
inch inch inch my way
into my translucent chrysalis.
I take time to spread my wings and fly.
Will you still be there when I do? The last line is much too plain for this poem. You need to find a way to convey this that is more unique.
Wonderful poem.
Nice, i like this.I can really relate to it. It flows nicely and I love the direct speech, it really sings to the audience. The repetition is also good. This poem is simple, easy to read and lyrical. Although it's not the most amazing thing. This a great poem you have here!
Hey JJ checking in for a review.
I really like this, for many reasons
One of the main reasons is the flow. It wasn't choppy or paused. It was relaxing and had emotion built into it.
I knew exactly what you meant with each stanza, and most other poetry reviewers will too. It's really easy to sit back to and listen to, and read. It is very simplistic in the sense that it is not hard to follow, and I mean that in the upmost respect. Keep writing more, and I look forward to reviewing more of your work.
i like this poem, it reminds me of the book The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka we just finished reading in my english class. i really like the concept you have here