Flash fiction FTW!
Contest page available here: topic22725.html
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It was a battle from the start.
Tanya crouched, deep within her cover. She muttered angrily to herself, busying her next volley of ammunition. One pile for whites, one for colours, one for delicates. Her eyes darted back and forth as her hands moved frantically about, busying themselves with their work. She could hear the roar of battle, hear it just to her right. So close she could smell it. So close that it twisted her veins, made her feel the rush of the fight.
It felt so damn good.
Whrrrrrr rumble rumble.
Her work completed, Tanya sat down with her back to the wall, her arms resting on her knees like some sort of female Buddha, glaring at her opponent. It sat there in its plaintive white glory, roaring its battle cry with all its might. She could roar louder, though. She had the power.
Whrrrrrr rumble rumble.
“You will not conquer me,” Tanya said in a deathly quiet whisper. Her enemy did not respond, just went on with its hyper-speed rotation, swirling rapidly, swirling as if taunting her. Daring her to do better. Trying to intimidate her.
Whrrrrrr rumble rumble.
She watched it shake violently in its efforts, a smile curling her lips. She was winning. She had the control, she had the power. She was Tanya.
Whrrrrrr rumble rumble.
The washing machine dinged.
She lunged forward to start a fresh load of laundry.
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140,530 Literary Works • 673,402 Reviews
That is hilarious. nice I really liked the personification.
Haha, that was hilarious! I was thinking that the 'enemy' was something normal, and you did this very well. Although, I agree with Azila that the last line should be "The washing machine dinged." It makes it more surprising, because it's the end of the story. Overall, though, this was really funny.
Wow, that was hilarious! Not to mention really well written. I love the format where there's a short paragraph, then a line, then a short paragraph, then a line... and my only big suggestion would be to keep that in the places where you don't. I also agree with Flemzo that you should change the title. ^_^
Other than that, I'd say you should end with:
Rather than:
Just because I think it would be better if the "enemy" was only revealed to be a washing machine in the very last line... but it's completely a matter of opinion.
Good job, overall, and congrats on the contest!
~Azila~
This was really funny--not really laugh at loud, but still roll on the floor chuckling histerically on the inside. The best line was
Otherwise, I don't know what to say. Make it longer--maybe even delete the first line because it doesn't help at anything, really. You deserved first place in the contest, to tell you the truth.
Haha! Hilariously brilliant! I haven't laughed this hard in so long.
Kudos.
Oh, can I feature this on my profile?
Pfft. (note that that is not the sound of disgust, but of air escaping lips that are desperately trying to withhold laughter)
Pffftsnrklearrrrrg.
BWAHAHAHA.
For the first time in something like a month, I've laughed loudly at something written down. This is perfect. The "Whrrrrrr rumble rumble." had me laughing before I even knew what it was about or what the contest was, the "It felt so damn good." line portrayed perfectly the "she's in a war, and she's ready to kill" atmosphere, and the last two lines are so hilarious. This reeeally brightened up a rather dull, gloomy day. *huggles the pirate*
Oh man, best entry yet. I was honestly laughing so hard that I couldn't find anything wrong with it (other than titling it "Exhilarating Monotony"... pretty unoriginal, I must say).
Absolutely fantastic.
Haha! Razor, I LOVE it! It's great for the contest.
One thing to point out, just a typo:
I would use a hyphen possibly between 'rapidly' and 'swirling'. It just seems like it shouldn't be a comma.
I really did like this. It really made me wonder what she was high on, though....I'm not sure if that was the intent or not. But I guess no matter what you write for this contest it's going to sound like they are high on something
I love this contest! Your entry really made me laugh. Truly brilliant. My favorite part was the first paragraph, where it was going on about her "battle." XDD
...I can't think of any decent critique, sorry. Graphing all those polynomials has fried my brain.