Young Writers Society

Hello CapitalMonday, reviewing for you! This poem makes me think back to my childhood and how I might have been if I could go back and look through my mind and thoughts. Now as a teen, i ponder on the daily why i never seem to remember anything from my childhood or mostly anyone else that thinks about their childhood and can't remember the minor parts of it. Only the memories or the nightmares you had as a child; you trying to help your mom then cutting your finger.

The nightmares we see and we feel in our childhood made us the stronger and made us wonder wants really out there. To make new friends with everyone that looks strange or friendly. The idea of this poem seems quite well thought out since everyone could remember one single thing they did in their childhood that was horrible or non-thought out by your self.

Hope you enjoy this "review"
CapitalMonday

Something about your rhythm and rhyme (and slant-rhymes) really catches my ear!
I love the way your first line was set apart from the rest of the poem, too.

If I had a few suggestions, they'd be:
a) capitalize every first line
b) Maybe it because I miss what I had
"Maybe it <was> because I miss what I had"

Yeah...not much else...
I really liked this. Great job.
Sorry this was short but I didn't have much to say:) consider that a compliment.

Keep it up!

~iron.n

Hi! I'm herby, here to review!
I like this poem. I like it especially because it is relatible. I have the same feeling of missing what I had when I was in, like, second or first grade. Times were so good, right?
Anyway, I did see some simple mistakes, and some other things you might just want to think about. First of all, you left out a word in line eight. Just go ahead and add a 'the' in, and you'll be fine!
Secondly, I thought the rhythm was kind off, because you had some parts with a rhyme scheme and some without. I know how difficult it can be to change your poem so it rhymes after you've written it, so don't feel compelled to do so immediately. But do give it some thought over time, okay? I think it could really improve your already great poem.
Thanks for the poem,
herby

Hello Teacake013!

Welcome to YWS!

I like what you have here. I think you've got a good way with rhyme and it's not overly obvious or poorly done. On the contrary, I think you used rhyme very well in this poem. There is the missed word in "I wouldn't know answer to that" because there should be something between know and answer. I would suggest "the" but you might want to use "an" instead. It's up to you.

I feel like even though you've got a well written poem here, you don't have a very deep poem. There's not much content in here that really hits home with who your speaker is, and it's not creating a very unique picture. The only reason I say this is because I really don't have many nitpicks about the poem. I think it's a good poem, but not a great one, so now we're here to help you push towards great.

For me the difference between a great poem and a good poem is the depth of exploration, and I don't mean that you have to have some philosophical debate in your poem, I mean that the poem should be unique to your experiences, in your own words through your own hands. I don't quite think you're completely there yet. This poem could have been said by anyone who ever played games and danced to rock 'n roll, which is a lot of people. A lot of people get depressed too, so I don't really feel like you've gotten personal enough with the narrator for this to feel important. Search for what you can say that will be different than what your neighbor, or your sister, or your brother, or your mother could say on the topic and exploit that. Make it "you," or at least the story of you you want to make up for us. This is a first person poem, so you is the narrator, doesn't have to be about you literally.

Anyways, I really hope to see where you go with this and how far it flies.
Keep reviewing, keep posting <3

-Aley

You left words out so reread it and you can probably make the corrections yourself without me having to point them out. I font know if your planning to add to this, but I hope you are I really want to see where this is going.