I want to fade away
Were I can think no thoughts no more
Were I can feel no feelings or senses
Were I shall escape this circle of hell
And gain eternal peace
Were I shall no longer disappoint those who surround
But most of all
Were I can truly be free
Free of pain
Free of guilt
Free of fear
Free of all the feeling which consume me
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
The poem revolved around a theme that we all naturally feel and had common words to match. After reading, I didn't really feel like I read something more than words. It could be a good base to something larger if you want to rewrite.
For me this falls apart once the personal static enters. A splintering effect not uncommon in most beginning writers' work makes itself felt. It's all in the title.
I doubt if greater poetic sophistication can save this.