Published September 30, 2011
A/N: So, I've never really written poetry (and after reading this you'll see why) so, I know this probably sucks. Anyway, I wrote this poem for school a while back. I know the way it's written is kind of weird, but that's the way I had to write it for school. I was kinda hesitant to post this, but I just figured I'd post it to see what I can do to write better.
This poem is for my horse, Peanut
who has been with me
for a very long time
Who has been a friend
and been there for me
to listen
and not criticize
because you cared
Whose powerful muscles
I have felt beneath me
reassuring
as we race the wind
together
flying as though
we were free
Those legs, with such power
hurt,
limp in defeat, injured
Those loving eyes
looking at me
in pain
with nothing that I could do
A knife
in my heart
as we hear the news
Time has passed
we have healed together
but we will never
fly again
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,504 Literary Works • 672,591 Reviews
Congratulations on an awesome poem! You convey your story in such a simple yet bitter-sweet way. What I love about horses is their unconditional love, and how they will steal your heart when you least expect it. You seem to tell that story in your poem; you show that kind of friendship. Then comes the hurt, as it inevitably does with horses. I love how you never say what happened, because it's not necessary really.
And then my favorite part:
"Time has passed
we have healed together
but we will never
fly again"
Thank you so much for your addition to my contest!
Keep writing!
Sage
I think you did a pretty good job actually. It was nice to read. It showed how much a connect Peanut and the rider had made. The opening verse was very simple. The ending was a bit better then your beginning I think.
My favourite bit was:
It shows that even after you were healed, you aren't the same. You've changed in the process.
It was real nice and I think you should try writing more poetry!
Deanie x
Hi Tayla Chase,
Well... you said you haven't written poetry before? Maybe you should write more, eh? I loved your piece! It was very poetic, and I didn't think the format was strange at all. Since I generally read novels, not poetry, I love the fact that the poem told a story, although it seemed kind of bitter sweet.
"as we race the wind
together
'flying as though
we were free"
I loved this part of the stanza, it was very beautiful and poetic and flowed flawlessly.
"but we will never
fly again"
This part was quite sad but it really pulled the poem together nicely and stayed true to the whole "bitter-sweet" theme. Thanks for sharing your work and I would suggest that you try poetry a little more often!
~Dakota Knight