Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
“I’ll tell you what, she’s a fucking BITCH!” Kamal literally yells when he calls Mrs. Mahbuba a bitch. And I swear I felt something hammering straight into my eardrums.
Jasim says, “Don’t scream like that, asshole! You’re no better than Mrs. Mahbuba.”
We all laugh. And once again, Kamal’s laugh stands out for the high pitch.
Harun lifts his right leg over his thigh and says, “I don’t think bitch is the right word. She should be called a kitten. She sounds like a fucking kitten all the time. She doesn’t even talk. She mews.”
We laugh again. “Damn right, dude,” I say. “Damn right!”
Jasim suddenly sits up on the bench and says, “Guys, I’ve got a new name for her. Why don’t we call her Catwoman? Sounds Good?”
“Noooooo!” I groan. “Catwoman? You seriously want to call her the Catwoman? That’s a fucking disgrace to Halle Berry.”
“Well, well, well, someone’s offended!” Jasim wraps his arms around my neck from behind. “Folks, I think we just got ourselves a Halle Berry fan. Tell me, dude. How sexy is she? You must be googling her every day. Halle Berry Hot! Halle Berry Sex Scenes! Which parts do you like? Ass? Boobs? Vagi—”
I pinch his hand before he goes any further. Jasim takes his arms off my neck and moans. “Enough already, Jasim,” I say. “How am I supposed to see Halle Berry’s vagina for god’s sake? She ain’t a porn-star.”
Harun says, “Point. That’s a point.”
“Besides,” I say, “why don’t you get it guys? Halle Berry is sexy. But Mrs. Mahbuba? Is she anywhere close to sexy? No! That’s overestimation, and a fucking insult to someone like Halle Berry.”
Jasim gets up from the bench and says, “Okay, okay, I get it. Ashis here is die-hard fan of Halle Berry. So even if someone’s insulting her in the remooooo-test sense, he can’t take it.” I wheel around and try to pinch him again, but I can’t reach. Jasim smirks and continues, “So, I guess Kitten it’s going to be.”
Kamrul says, “I vote for kitten. It’s le mot juste.”
I say, “Kitten’s too adorable. It’s like a fucking endearment!”
Kamrul turns to me. “Oh, Ashis! You got problems with all the names in the world?”
“You want to taunt her? Then you need a perfect name. A really insulting one. Like a disaster! Kitten? That doesn’t sound like disaster at all to me!”
Jasim says, “Well, give us a fucking name, then!”
I say, “How about.... the Mewer?”
Jasim frowns. “Mewer? Is that even a word?”
“Yep, motherfucker! Mewer is a word. Check out your pathetic pocket dictionary if you want.”
Jasim actually brings out the Merriam-Webster dictionary that he keeps in his pocket all the time. Seriously?
He looks it up. He reads, “Mewer. Noun. One that mews.”
I thump my thighs and say, “How about that, motherfucker?”
Jasim brings his trademark smile on his face. “You beauty, Ashis! You beauty! Folks, let’s vote again. Those in favor say aye, those opposed say no.”
Everyone goes “Aye” together!
“Excellent! So, I hereby declare that from today onwards Mrs. Mahbuba will be called the Mewer. Ain’t that great, folks?”
We laugh. And once again, Kamal’s laugh stands out. That son of a bitch!
Mrs. Mahbuba, the Mewer, enters the classroom. I almost chuckle, but in the end, manage to fight it back.
Suddenly, Harun pinches my arm. Fuck! That hurt!
I shoot a glare at Harun. He glares back and whispers, “Not yet, asshole!”
Yeah, not yet, I know! That's why I didn't laugh, asshole! I really want to give it back to him right now, but once again I fight back the urge. I can't spoil the big fun for a tiff with Harun.
The Mewer, as usual, drops the file in the table at the front of the class, settles her Sari a little bit, clears her threat, and says, “Good morning, students.”
Here she goes again! How can someone have such a weird voice?
She continues, “So, where were we yesterday?”
A rustling sound spreads across the classroom as everyone starts turning the pages of that godforsaken History book altogether. Well, everyone except us. We’re not those stupid motherfuckers!
“I hate that sound,” Kamrul whispers. “That sound of turning pages. My ears kinda prickle when I hear it.”
I slap Kamrul’s thighs and say, “At least that’s better than the sound of your laugh.”
And that sends Harun, Jasim, and me chuckling. The sound isn't too loud, but loud enough to catch the Mewer's attention. She looks up and says, “Who was that?”
Everybody knows who it was. No one says anything. No one will dare. Because they know pretty damn well what the consequence of that telling on squealing will be.
The Mewer sighs. I bet she knows it’s us. But she doesn’t wanna face us. Yeah, bitch! Stay away from us.
She looks at the guys sitting in the first bench and says, “You, Talha. Tell me, where were we yesterday?”
That motherfucker! He eats those History books for breakfast! I can tell that.
Talha stands up and says, “Ma’am, our last topic was Pal dynasty.”
See! What a motherfucker!
The Mewer smiles. “Right you are. And today, we’re gonna discuss the Sen Dynasty.” She takes the marker from the table and turns around to write the topic on the board.
That’s the moment we’ve been waiting for. Jasim turns to us and whispers, “Ready, folks?”
“On my mark. One, two, three!”
And right then, Jasim, Kamrul, Harun and I scream, “Mewwwww!” The timing is almost perfect, except Kamrul just was a second late.
The Mewer wheels around. Her face is such a joke right now that I wish I had a freakin’ camera. She’s so red, her mouth’s wide open, and her right hand is shaking with no control whatsoever. Fantastic!
The classroom is dead silent. And in the last bench, we keep exchanging victorious grins.
The Mewer’s looking directly at us now. She definitely knows we did it. I think she’s gonna call us now. She might even send us to the Principal’s Office too. And that’s not good news at all.
But she doesn’t say anything. She pushes a strand of her hair away from her forehead and tucks it inside her scarf. Soon the redness in her face is gone.
“Open at page 158. Chapter 2, section 2.2.” She literally chews those words. I feel something shooting up the skin of my arms.
Although we never open our books, nor listen to a single word of her lecture, we keep silent until the bell rings and the Mewer storms out without giving us any homework.
Wait for Part Two.....